Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Trusting DP -first boys night out.

42 replies

Fatshionista · 10/09/2011 16:06

Hi everyone. I posted before under a different name.

DP and I have been having trust issues lately as for the past two years he'd tell stupid lies, promise to be home at a certain time and stroll in with no keys making me wait up all night at 5am and daft childish things like turning his phone off or answering just for me to hear music and hanging up. This is the product of an easily led suppressed party voy DP and his moronic friends (DP is 25, moronic friends are 35+).

Tonight DP is going out to celebrate a friends birthday. He doesn't have a lot of money and has to be up at 7am for work. I'm having issues trusting but I know I can't stop him and he has to have the opportunity to prove it to me. I can't help thinking he'll let me down.

Am I being a controlling freak by insisting he's home by 12am because I don't feel well, need him to prove he can keep promises, we don't have much money and he has work tomorrow? I don't think so but friends have said I'm a bitch and shouldn't do it :/

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 11/09/2011 16:53

That's great.

Doha · 11/09/2011 17:17

Result

AnyFucker · 11/09/2011 18:51

Christ Almighty

If I felt compeled to micro-manage a boy-child like this I would have to stick my head in the gas oven

he sounds like a prize prick....nowhere near mature enough to be a father of 3

he needs to seriously grow up, and you need to seriously put your foot down

I see a lifetime of this shit for you, I am afraid Sad

susiedaisy · 11/09/2011 18:55

Well said Af,

susiedaisy · 11/09/2011 18:56

Meant to say feel Sad for op!

susiedaisy · 11/09/2011 18:57

Meant to say feelSad for op!

AnyFucker · 11/09/2011 18:59

I feel for OP too

Saddled with four children !

Original poster
Fatshionista · 12/09/2011 08:59

Luckily he proved my trust wasn't misplaced this time. I still have reservations and I'm a realist so I don't doubt he might fuck up in the future but as of right now he's doing well. It's early days though.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 12/09/2011 09:08

Lucky for whom, love ?

Lucky for him ?

or lucky for you ?

Original poster
Fatshionista · 12/09/2011 09:10

Lucky for him because he knows it was his last chance.
Lucky for me because I don't want to lose him, I don't want my children to lose a father at home and (a selfish reason) because I don't want to have to tell him to go.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 12/09/2011 09:13

Then I wish you lots more luck.

I wouldn't like to rely on ole Lady Luck though, to keep my relationship together. That way hurt and disappointment lies.

Being able to trust your partner to do the right thing is priceless and is nothing whatsoever to do with "luck" Sad

Original poster
Fatshionista · 12/09/2011 09:17

I don't think it's luck. I misused the word. I think it's to do with a lot of counselling, a bit of growing up on his part and the realisation that he will lose what he has if he doesn't change his ways. He can still go out, get drunk, have a boys night, roll in a 5am but I need to be able to trust him. Trusting him 80% is not enough. I think it'll take time but if he keeps proving I made the right choice I'll be able to trust him completely again.

A lot of it is blown out of proportion due to my manic depression and anxiety and most would see nothing wrong with what he does (some would, people his age I doubt would) yet I over analyse everything and it becomes a problem.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 12/09/2011 09:21

He has done some really stupid, immature and, frankly, rather cruel things.

I don't blame you for not trusting him. Your last post makes it sound like you partly blame yourself for his bad behaviour. You shouldn't.

All the best. I hope it works out for you, but you just remember it's in his hands, not yours. If he wants to fuck up, he will. You can't make someone behave like a grown-up if they don't want to.

Original poster
Fatshionista · 12/09/2011 09:26

I think I do blame myself to some extent and I need to get over myself and realise the things he does isn't about me but about him. He does what he wants because he can, because he can get away with it and because he thinks he should and I can't change that. Expressing my displeasure is something I can do but I can't control the outcome or control him so he won't do it again.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 12/09/2011 09:27

Very true.

nametapes · 12/09/2011 09:29

By the sound of it,,,, DONT trust him. He is too irresponsible to be married. He is already proving himself to be untrustworthy and letting you down.

No way will he be back by 12 midnight . Someone posted that he is only 25 and thats what 25 yr olds do. Well IMHO not if they are married!

Original poster
Fatshionista · 12/09/2011 09:31

We aren't married yet but have been together a while and intend to marry when we have the extra income.

He was back at midnight :)

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page