Mid life crisis, depression or maybe you are just a selfish pig

[lovesmybed]

Hello
I am so angry at myself at the moment. Me and my H split up just before Christmas. He said he had been feeling unhappy, didn't want to be married anymore, had no interest in the children. This is from a man who lived and died for me and the children.

Anyway almost as soon as he left he was texting me constantly, saying he still loved me, he had made a mistake but was in quite a dark place (he has suffered from bereavement depression in the past)
Eventually he started to wear me down and I let him come round for dinner, visits, went to the cinema etc and we were both trying.

Then after a few weeks of this he would go off in his own little shell say he didn't know whether he wanted any of this and send texts saying things like "you and the kids are better of without me, I am going to go out of your lives forever" I would panic, leave work thinking the worst and he would just sit there lapping up the attention. A couple of days later he would be fine again, want to make a go of it and start coming round all the time I like a fool would let him.

In the meantime he has moved into a flat, started smoking, starting wearing a really tight leather jacket, has posters of rock bands on his wall, started going out to clubs with some much younger guys from work. And this is someone who is supposed to be depressed!

Anyway this morning was the last straw, he came round to talk about us getting back together properly and in the middle of me crying and pouring my heart out about how much I loved him and how much he has hurt me he says. Sorry love didn't catch that was watching the rugby!!!
The f**kin rugby.

It was like a light going on in my head. He has put me on an emotional rollercoaster for the past 10 months. Does he love me?, doesn't he? Just suddenly got what an absolute mug I am and what a terrible relationship role model I am being for my teenage daughter. So thats it now, he is out of our lives. Just really hope I can keep up this resolve. Will keep posting when I am feeling weak as I know in a couple of days his constant texts, phone calls, visits and crying will start.

Oh and please don't think I haven't considered if there is another woman involved. To be honest it would make no difference to me in the slightest and is irrelevant. It is the way he has treated me and messed with my head

Help me keep away from him please Mumsnetters.

That is so funny but no it doesn't look like him. Although if he grew a beard it could be. He looks like someone who he could be friends with though

I bet he wants to join a band doesn't he, and do a bit of jammin'

He actually wants to be a ...wait for it... d.j

Yes, dj was the other alternative I had in mind

what a plonker (and a completely predictable one at that)

< splits sides with mirth >

is he, in fact, Pat Sharpe ? (google it if you are too young to remember )

or Tony Blackburn, everybody knows (and takes the piss out of) him..

Smashy an' Nicey ?

What a c*ck. These men are pathetic. Take control, do what the others suggest, treat yourself to something that makes you feel good then cut off ties with him. Only contact him when you want, never answer calls, emails etc. unless it's on your terms. Who needs bloody men!

I know pathetic is the word. Will follow your advice. Hopefully not all men are like that, there must be some decent men out there somewhere!!!! Please God!!!!!
p.s was watching some home movies of him and the kids from a few years ago. He was playing football with his son and throwing him in the air and hugging him, then his daughter came in for a hug. This is a man who makes hardly any attempt to see them now. I just thought wow that man on the film is not the man he has become now. They are two different people. In a way watching the old film helped as I remembered how happy I used to be and how unhappy the new him has been making me.
Hopefully one day I will be able to be happy with someone else

You will

You may need to make some adjustments to your twat radar though

Just a bit of an update have seen a solicitor today and have set the ball rolling for divorce. Am citing unreasonable behaviour. Have to pick five things. Five bloody hell could name 50!!!!

Golden opportunity time!

Put some oldies and some newer releases on the turntable and spin him into the twunt category of the divorce hall of fame. He's facing some stiff competition, but he might be in with a chance of an award that will fail to keep him warm in his poky damp bedsit this coming winter while you toast yourself and dc and your bright future.

Read wisey's post 'After divorce, trying to move on is like doing a square dance etc'. Her ex is up there with the prime contenders. She calls him PTM (Purple Trouser Man) and it seems to me that your respective twunts have been swopping wardrobe tips. Maybe they've gone halves on that leather jacket?