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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Pushing 50 but I'm so naive.....

28 replies

alittlebitresignedtoitall · 10/09/2011 11:24

Started seeing someone (have been internet dating last few months), we get on well and physically things have been great. Last weekend, he says, "I want this to last for sometime to come". Met him earlier this week, he says, "I don't want you to go out with anyone else and I won't either". Know I was a bit taken aback but I responded positively as I do like him. There was no mistaking the tenderness in his eyes and the meaning in his voice. Then proceeded to feel great as there was the promise of something rather lovely starting. Our contact pattern is that he texts every morning and says Hi and then calls me morning and afternoon/evening. He tried to call me next day as usual and I was in a meeting. Told him I would call him back as soon as possible. Tried to call him back when meeting was finished and he didn't answer - not unusual as he was working too. I text him to say that I was free for chatting as soon as he was and later that evening, text him again to see if he was OK as I hadn't heard from him. I've heard nothing since Wednesday. Apart from a strong physical attraction and the startings of something, there is no gushy love feelings but I am still confused and upset. There's no fool like an old fool is there? Just raising all my insecurities again that men are not to be trusted! (It took me 9 years to even contemplate dating again so I have built my confidence up by dating only to feel it sliding away again over this.)

OP posts:
midnightservant · 11/09/2011 14:43

Don't get me wrong: I think it's rather nice as well. The trouble is that it is a pattern that is easily broken (eg by being in a meeting), leading the one who didn't break it to wonder what that means, and come to all the wrong conclusions? And then not call, leaving party 1 (you) now also wondering what that means.

That sounds complicated, but I suppose it's in essence woman's dilemma since the telephone was invented - why hasn't he called me (yet?)

notverywisewoman · 11/09/2011 19:10

I have this weekend removed my profile from 3 dating sites I was on.I think (sadly) lots of men use these sites to "groom" women.They will chat away and even meet you with no intention of having an honest relationship.Actually I admire the men who just ask for sex,at least they are straight with you!Please do not waste time over this man.He probably has lots of other women on speed dial.I know people who have met on a site and have gone on to have a relationship,maybe they were lucky.Read "He's just not that into you" ,There are some v good points in it ! An internet dating course is a brilliant idea too

BobDowne · 01/10/2011 19:25

Hi Alittlebit - interesting that his pattern of contacting you was similar to the man I met on Pof. A sweet 'good morning' text, hope you have a good day, then usually a few more during the day - just thinking of you, lots of kisses. Then a chat on the phone in the evening. It could be a whole pattern of grooming? Then disappear...

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