Struggling at home

[CJ2010]

I am a SAHM, with two DC's, one 20 mths and a newborn and I'm feeling really frustrated. I'm in my late twenties and I know this sounds pathetic but I feel like I'm missing out on fun and going to work (and I used to gate going to work!!) I feel very trapped at home and I'm taking it out on DP and I keep upsetting him.

Annoyingly I'm absolutely exhausted but I'm having trouble sleeping. I think it's because I feel like I've been pregnant for the past two yrs and it has taken it's toll on me physically and emotionally. I s'pose I'm looking for coping strategies and advice on how to stimulate my brain whilst being at home. Im being a horrible, stroppy cow and I'm scared of pushing DP away.

I pick fights with him and go into sulks and he doesn't deserve it.

You sound just like me when my dc were that age. I'm a SAHM as well. It is bloody hard work and unfortunately sometimes the only person you have to vent all your anger and frustration at is your dp. Give yourself time to adjust to having 2 dc.

I used to find it helped to keep the change bag ready so we could go out at the drop of a hat. I remember one morning when my dc2 was weeks old and we woke up to a frost covered world, it looked lovely. I got up and dressed got the dc ready (nit dressed but bundled in blankets, hats etc) and went for a walk. We were out the house by 8.30am and it wad wonderful.

Little steps make big improvements. It will get easier.

Thank you for replying. I think it's made worse because I'm still recovering from c-section so im not fully fit yet, it's depressing. Even the sight of the new double buggy made me cry, it's so bloody big, I don't know how im going to get out and about freely.

It's all little niggly things really, since DC2 arrived it's hit me that I'm now a mother of two! I found caring for DC1 quite easy and we were always out and about, It's going to be harder now.

I love my DC's but I'm so bored! I would love to work part time to use my brain but DP has a very demanding job with long hours and we would have to pay for childcare, so I don't think it's possible.

I'm shocked at how I'm feeling, I went out for a drive last night and drove past loads of bars and pubs and I felt so jealous of the people who were on a night out!! I feel old before my time! I spent years clubbing, travelled, dated lots of blokes, so I have had my fun times but I'm craving it again! It's madness because j should appreciate what I've got with DP. I'm hoping these feelings will pass.

I totally empathise with this, totally. I had DD at 27, I hated being pregnant (wasn't planned, was alone yadda yadda yadda) and driving past everyone having drinks in the summer beer gardens...

I was a SAHM for 14 months then went back to college because I couldn't do it any longer, it's not something I'm good at. It took about 2 months for me to feel 'normal' again after the c-section and getting into a routine. Routine saved me.

3 years on, I go out drinking with mates, socialise again and it's lovely, but it took till DD was 2 and half for me to let my sister or mum have her overnight, now they often have her one night a week.

Give yourself a break, it's all new, hard but you will get used to it. Try and get out and about, some fresh air but explain to DP that it's stressful and that you might take it out on him but it's not intentional.

Why not look at working part-time, even if childcare ate up most of the money? If it would make you happier, it would be good for the rest of the family too.

What about an evening class? Maybe not this term, but after Christmas? They're fairly cheap, you DH can look after the kids, so no babysitter to pay.

Poor you, you sound really fed up. When you can get out and about more things should improve. Have you considered a sling for the newborn to avoid the double buggy for a bit? (when you are recovered from CS of course).

Ultimately they won't be so small for ever. In no time I'm sure you will look back on this and remember it as tough, but just a phase.

Have you thought about a pram that is longer not double width..where the oldest sits behind and new baby on top? They look really cool! and better for esculators/paths/doorways etc

I do agree with others even one evening out a week with your friends for a meal/coffee or to unwind it will destress you no end and help you remember who you where before motherhood. I was stuck in for nearly 7yrs until ds started school after easter.
I have enrolled today for a course and although it will be online and at home it gives me a different thing to think about....Open University does courses too go into new career also?.

Most leisure centres have softplay creche cheap every morning for mum to go to gym or do exercise class this another option when recovered. It is not wrong to want a break it is hard work.

Cinemas do baby sessions where you can bring preschool children to the cinema for free whilst you try and watch a film (maybe not a great idea).

I has a cs with my first and it does make it hard (even more so in your case as you already have an older dc to look after). Just take your time it does get better, promise

I've been there too. There is no reason why you cant go out still if you are in touch with those old friends but if you are recovering then best not to go on too much of a mad night but the change of scenery can be enough and try going out for lunch. The kids do get older and it gets easier but just get through each day. I know what its like when a hubby works crazy hours as you cant even get out for an evening course as they start at a silly early time..
Get out as much as you can walking with the buggy, enjoy the kids naps and round up some mates for a night out.