once again i am online looking for support

[stitchcantthinkofgoodxmassname]

god knows why. nothing ever changes.
apparently i am a crap mother. crap person. useless parasite. contributes nothing to the houshold. i dont have the right to call this my house as i contribute nothing to it. everything i do would costs him only fifty quid a week to get someone else in to do. and i cause him fifty grand a week aggravation.
apparently 99.9percent of mothers wouldt do the crap i do by not giving them their meal cause he y wouldnt eat it.
same old same old

Tell him to shut his gob.

its all a self eseteem issue. i let him get my self esteem down.
i need to truly ignore what he says. not just pretend to ignore the crap he gives me.
i need faith. religion.

Oh stitch, I'm so sorry.

tell him to kiss your ass.

no, you need faith in yourself.

colditz if i had said a word to him then, it would have ended me iin blinding tears, yelling god knows what, and probly running out the house without my coat on. or trying to hit him.etc etc
the kids were sittin g on my lap and in the room.

But you are gorgeous! Really you are. Not saying that should mean anything, and I know we didn't get to chat at the meet, but you seem lovely and you really could do much much better. Sorry for all this.

do you mind your kids hearing that stuff? does he say things like that in front of them often?

i have no faith in myself. im not a deep enough person.
i am a shallow person. i believe in the material things. consumerism. my own shallowness shocks me sometimes.
like right now. why am i not out of thedoor right this minute? coz i dont know how i would support myself financially. i am choosing a full belly for peace of mind

You know you don't deserve this, and i think someone worked out that to pay someone to do what a housewife and mother does would cost about £30,000 pa, so do a spreadsheet and present him with a fully researched (average ironing service price, etc) itemised quote for charges for service.

No way would he get it done for £50 per week, not without kidnapping a 15 year old girl from a developing country and holding her hostage.

everything was said in front of them. ds2 and dd were literally on top of me on the sofa, and ds1 on the other sofa.
but even if they werent, theyd have heard him.
i do mind them hearing, but more i dont want them thinking that is how life is to be lived. but i dont have the mental strenght to up and leave.
thankyou for saying nice things all of you.

colditz, thats called marriage. in his books
his younger brother got married recently. and i think he wishes he had done the same sort of thing.
i wish he would still do it.

marriage does not equal legalised slavery, and you know that. just because he says things doesn't make it true.

If you have low self esteem it is difficult to see that you don't have to please someone just because they are unhappy with you, but him being unhappy with you doesn't mean you have done anything wrong. His moods are his problem.

colditz, youre right. i do know these things. but my self esteem is just so low i dont believe it.
i need to help myself. crying is easy as my dad says.
friends just came downstairs. will come online later.
thank you all. lots of hugs and love.

Fifty quid a week. Snort. Why not challenge him to prove that was true - I have never heard the like, and I have a full-time stay-at-home dad looking after my little one.

My dh doesn't "contribute" to the house as he is at home looking after my baby. Funnily enough it hasn't (yet!) occurred to me to say "you are rubbish, you contribute nothing" due to the fact I couldn't go out and earn any money if he didn't stay at home looking after ds.

Parasite - well, actually many parasites perform useful services for their host organism, although that may not be the best of arguments I think you are not out the door because you have three children who you have to support, it's just not that easy.

stitch you are definitely not shallow, anyone can see that from your mn posts.

I used to get this sort of stuff from dx, until he had to look after the children himself and suddenly he's slaving away at home, and Im enjoying myself all day in a nice job! ha bloody ha.

Theyve all got this idea in their heads that the mountains are full of unspoilt 15 year old virgins who are dying to be perfect traditional wives - well its just not true!

Do you have the option of getting a job, even a p/t one? or would your dh be against it? I am the sole wage earner myself, and it is a strain.
From what you have said about your disagreements, they seem to centre around him resenting that you are a SAHM.

can I just add: £50 a week...to wash,iron,clean,childmind etc.....Our ironing alone costs £25 a week..!

(Can I also add that I am not lazy I just HATE ironing..don't see the point to it, thats why we pay for it to be done ....Thats before you all think I'm lazy...)

Stitch, think its all goes back to the same old argument that blokes do not fully know what it takes to look after kids/run a home. Drives me mad.