expartner being an arsehole about court order

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can any1 out there give me advice?i split from the father when 4 months pregnant, he told me and my 8 year old to leave his house. we did and after 2 more moves have now settled, baby 13 months old now, older one 11.from the start the x(a spoilt pompous 32year old going on 15 year old teacher, confirmed football bachelor)has threatened with court this and court that even THOUGH I NEVER SAID HE COULD NOT HAVE ACCESS. anyway, went to court and he didnt see him till 7 weeks ago. meant to be seeing babe supervised at my house for 2 onehour visits which have acutally been 2 twohour visits. i got pissed off with him last night when he said could he fit the saturday hour in around his crappy team he supports. i said his son is his priority and that we should change to one 2hour visit in the week so he could then watch footie every sat. he called me a c... and a w......(all this over my little ones head and the 11year old listening)he threatenend court AGAIN and made me feel very intimidated, hes a bully.have i done wrong?i wasnt at court last week, i did my bit over the phone. havent had anything in writing yet or signed anything?p.s baby has multiple food allergies and is real handful and just had blood tests for numerous other things. life is hard as it is without this man preaching to me about his bloody rights.

Well I know what I would do if it would me. I would refuse him access and tell the courts he is verbally abusive in front of your children and you are scared. Ask for contact through a contact centre and see if he is as keen to see them as he is making out. You have all my sympathy, but you've left the git so don't let him push you around now.

what happens at contact centres i havent got a clue, i wouldnt want to leave the little one with strangers.the eldest isnt his son, only the baby.i am going to speak to the solicitor again, having trouble with legal aid funding at the mo.im not going to let him ruin xmas. we work at the same school so il be paranoid going in on monday as hel go around telling every1 that ive stoped him seeing his son. i havnt, my parting words were "get out of my house using that language and get in touch when youve calmed down". i phoned his mother and told her if he wants to cum again she will have to cum with him coz i dont want him in my house on my own. i dont want him in my house fullstop actually but he rubs it in that i have to let him because hes allowed to see babe.

Keep a diary of every contact you have with him. Write down verbatim what he says to you. This is important and, if you do have to go to court, any contemporaneous notes are given great credence by the judges - a bit like a police officer's notebook.

You do not have to let him into your house. You are perfectly free to arrange to meet him with the baby away from your house. Your house is your sanctuary and he is ruining that feeling by violating that space. So don't let him.

If he won't agree to meet away from the house, this is not you preventing him from seeing his child. It is he who is refusing to see the child. Put any proposed arrangements in writing - with reasons - as you can then produce this in court to show that you are being reasonable.

definately keep a diary. if you feel unsafe i personally think that is enough reason to stop access, nut please check that with a solicitor!

next time he says he is going to take you to court, tell him you think it is a wonderful idea. its not much of a threat cos all it will do is sort out contact so he cant be like this. ive been through court a couple of times (same git of an ex) and i cant say it scares me in the slightest. i know that im doing right by my kids so they arent going to do anything to make my situation worse.

Hi 7s. My Mum works at a contact centre so I can tell you a bit about it if that helps.
You take your child in and meet the helpers, you can give details of any medical/food issues and instructions of what is/is not allowed re playing/reading/watching tv/taking photos etc. The father then arrives for a supervised visit which takes place under the eyes of the volunteers. You can stay on the premises if you like during the whole visit (bringing your 11 year old if you want) but you can be in a next door room, you do not have to see him or speak to him, it is all done for you.
If he is that bothered about seeing his son he will adhere to this and hopefully it will be calmer for you all. If he cannot make the effort the courts will take this into account and it will work against him. Good luck x
PS - incidentally the one my Mum works at is on Saturday afternoons so he would have to get his son/football priorities in order!

thanks for all advice about the arsehole ex!great to have feedback. very interesting about the contact centre being on a saturday afternoon. shame hed have to miss the footie!how long are the visits for, does it depend on the age of the child?

Sorry re the delay - had to ask my Mum! Can be up to 2 hours - depends what the court recommends but they do take into account the age of the child. If the child is distressed the volunteers can always intervene and cut it short, they just do a short written report to say why.
Worth checking out with social services where the nearest one is to you and what the hours are. (fingers crossed for Saturday pm!)

hi jackfrostini, thanks for finding out off your mum for me. im relieved as id been searching the internet and it sounded like id have to leave him from 10 to 6!hes only 1year old and doesnt know his father as he only had contact for 2hours a week for last 7 weeks. think it will go back through courts now as havent heard off him since friday when he shot his gob off, il prob get a solicitors letter from his by end of week! hel prob word it that i told him to call me a w...... and c...!thanks again