Just because both parties are married it doesnt mean you arent the OW, does it?

[kitya]

I see someone regularly for treatments. She's really sweet but, today she got really upset with me and I feel really mean. She is very unhappily married but has 2 teenagers going through exams. She's been seeing a guy who is also married. He has much younger dc's. She told me that last week she had the best time of her life when she went out for dinner with this guy and how alive he makes her feel. I think she wanted me to say I was happy for her because she has been so down for the last year. Sadly, my tongue ran away with me and I kind of said but, he isnt yours to be happy with. She told me that she didnt feel it was as wrong as it would be if she was single but as she was married and wasnt going anywhere surely it wasnt as bad? There was no reasoning with her and she was already upset, I felt like I'd burst her bubble. I said that two wrongs didnt make a right. Now I feel like I was on my high horse abit and, maybe I shouldve kept my mouth shut.

I think you're right actually. Cheating is cheating. It's an awful thing to participate in whether your single or married.

She should ask his wife how she would feel about it. I am confident that she would say your aquaintance is the OW, married or not.

Eh? Of course she would be the other woman if she allowed this relationship to continue.

I would change therapists if I were you. When I go and have treatments I want to relax, not hear all the torrid details of someone's love life.

Yes, it is getting me down abit. I just feel like I go in there and she's so happy but, by the time I leave she's really glum!! I suppose Ive been around alot more than she has and Ive seen this situation end in tears so many times. The odd dinner here and there does not make a relationship!

When you say you see her for treatments do you mean you are a client of hers or she is a client of yours?

It sounds like she has an emotional attachment with a married man. You were honest, she didn't like it. You were right, she is wrong. If it was me, I wouldn't see her again as a therapist. She likes her lines blurred doesn't she - both professionally and personally.

Because she's lonely, I guess.

If she is your client, what are you doing exactely? Are you a hairdresser, a health professional ?
Somehow I would doubt that you are a counsellor. You would know better than discussing a client on an open website like this.

Depending on what your job is, I would review your working relationshipw ith her.

As for the question itself, no 2 wrongs don't make a right.

This isn't your fault kitya. She may be lonely but it isn't up to you to make her feel better. Seeing a married man while she is also in a relationship sure as hell won't help her either. Your honesty was the only thing you could give her.

Gosh - I am not at all black and white about affairs but she is kidding herself if she thinks that her also being married makes it "better". If she is going to talk about such things with clients (I read it that you are a client of hers btw and for no reason did not read it in a MH/therapy kind of way) who she presumably does not know that well (I would not claim to know the views of some of my best friends on cheating other than in a very abstract way) then she is a fool not to expect to potentially hear some home truths. Perhaps in a way she was even looking for this.

Ok but you are gossiping about her on here - doesn't matter that she and you are anonymous. It still feels wrong to me when people post to 'garner opinion' on someone else's life, unless you are deeply embroiled with that person.

I am not condoning what this person is doing...you shouldnt judge you dont know what goes on in other peoples lives/relationships. These OW/OM are real people with real feelings that maybe married the wrong person and met the love of their lives while married...sometimes these things happen and believe me its not easy whatever side you are on...everybody hurts including the person who had the affair, its heartbreaking for them too....I firmly believe if you are happy in your relationship you wouldnt do this..and lucky for some people they realise after they made a mistake that they really dp love their husband/wife and are very strong afterwards and lucky for these people but it doesnt always work out that way....

Ok Momofo, but the woman in this story is still OW is she not?

I am not more forgiving of H's OW just because she is/was in a relationship, infact I am less forgiving if anything.

Of couse she's still the OW! Just means that she's involved in wrecking 2 families instead of 1.

Where did someone get that I was a therapist from?!!! As if I would be writing on here about it!! I'm talking about someone I see two or three times a year and she is fab at her job, which is why I still go. I keep thinking that the next time she would have got her life together. Sadly it hasn't happened yet and she's a shadow of the person she once was. It is draining just listening to it tbh.