Grasped the nettle - I'm getting divorced

[Hunkerbunker2]

I last saw my husband in December 1990 at Northampton Bus Station - the one under the shopping centre - he went north and I went west with just a casual goodbye and four dry eyes.

No dramatic reasons. Just drifted apart mainly because I wasn't able to have children. Love died quite quickly, a long spell of living like brother and sister followed, then we were almost like strangers. He got a job up north and I didn't want to go and the result was the trip to Northampton.

I have no idea where he is. Everything is done through his solicitor. Today instead of writing to them in Carlisle I phoned them because it makes things quicker and it is about time I did something decisive about getting a divorce.

I left a message with the receptionist and the solicitor phoned back within a hour. They are going to contact my husband and will then write to me. It is a relief in some ways to have taken the first step, of many, towards sorting this problem out.

That's good but I'm curious...why did you wait so long...?

so have you had no contact with each other for 11 years?

Sorry to hear that, but getting divorced may free you up psychologically. Have you heard of collaborative divorce? It may not be appropriate in your case, but I am passionate about spreading the word about it. It is a way to divorce amicably, without going to court, both of you have your own lawyer and you have face to face discussions about how to separate - including the children and the assets. it can save a huge amount of bad feeling in the long run

They've not seen eachother for 21 years, it should be very straightforward shouldn't it? Assets & children would remain as is if things have been running in an acceptable manner within the intervening period. Actually the children point would be moot, any children from the marriage would all be adults now anyway.

OP said she could not have children!

sorry- my maths was wrong. of course, it's 21 years.

Crikey- that's really odd.

Has neither of you ever wanted to marry again?

Unless you tell us more this is a real mystery- are your finances split anyway? Does he support you - or you him? Do you even have any joint assets at this stage of your lives?

Is this for real even? sorry if it is- it's just the bit about the bus station reads like a romantic line from a novel.

Northampton Bus Station isn't romantic.

As a Catholic divorce wasn't something I even considered. It was only lots of things happening at the same time that made me look at myself and my Faith. The fact is that I want to move to South Africa. I'm not happy in England anymore after a recent failed relationship and I want all the loose ends in my life tied up or cut through. No joint assets, he had the shares, I had his half of the house. That was sorted years ago

they're blowing n'hampton bus station up soon btw it is a horrid place

Meeting my husband after 21 years didn't feel strange. It only took me about an hour to remember why we had parted. We have almost nothing in common. No children to share and to bind us together either. He is living with somebody and I wish him, and her, well. I really do. I don't hate him, I never did. I just haven't loved him like a wife should for so very long. So we are going to divorce and I will move out to Durban. There is nothing to hold me here and I hope to move during 2012.

Sounds like you have closure, OP.

Good luck with your new life!

Well then I salute you!!! Well done you, and here's to your exciting future.

I wish I was moving to Durban.