What would you do if this were your friend?

[Ophuchi]

A good friend of mine has dumped his (lovely) long term partner and started a relationship with a woman from Eastern Europe who tells him she's been in the UK for 5 years.

He is absolutely besotted with her and has announced that they are going to get married and have a baby. They have only known each other for a month.

When I suggested to him gently that it might be best to live together for a little while before he gets her pregnant he was upset and told me that he was going to give her anything she wanted, including a baby, because he loves her so much. I apologised and congratulated him of course but something doesn't sit right with me and I don't want to see him get his heart broken.

So I suppose what I'm asking is what would you have done?

You know something Mobly, you've seen right in to the heart of this.

I guess I always felt sorry for him because he was neglected to the point of abuse as a child and yet is such a lovely person (other than the obvious relationship problems).

He's been ill on and off for the last few years (medical condition - he's not dying or anything like that) and it's always me he wants to see/talk to when he's throwing up and feeling crap. I have spooned cal-pol into his mouth when it was the only thing he could keep down, I made sure he ate every day when he was feeling low, bought him groceries when he had no money, I've given many cuddles and dried his tears. Oh my god, I am his mum aren't I?

I'd like to extend my gratitude to all who took time to reply and especially to Mobly who has made me realise it's me who needs to get a grip here. I am not his mother (despite the fact I have cleaned up his sick on more than one occasion!) Repeat, I am not his mother. He can make his own mistakes.

Many thanks everyone. Weird how saying things out loud sometimes make you see sense. Right, where are those scissors? I've got some apron strings that need cutting!

Tell hbim he is jumping into this far too quickly. He wont listen, but you can quietly watch in months years to come when it all goes wrong..

You have my every sympathy OP. My BF is married to a tosser bloke who is no good for her. She's now contemplating having a baby, something she's not at all keen on, with him because it's what he wants. It just breaks my heart that she has decided to put herself second in this relationship. But I know there is nothing I can do except be on standby for when she needs to talk and help her pick up the pieces if/when things go wrong. It's entirely her choice. It's really hard though.

He's not going to listen to me, I know that now. But he is my BF and I have this overwhelming urge to protect him from all the truly crap things in life. I'll always be here for him but for now I think I need to take a step back and stop mothering him so much. I don't want him to fall out with me.

I think that's the thing Ophuchi - you would be telling him something he really does not want to hear, and he may end up becoming angry at you. If things do go badly wrong with his new woman, he will really need you more than ever. I think sadly all you can do is be there for him and know that by doing so, you're being a very good friend

Thanks JosieRosie. Sometimes I wish I didn't care about him so much because it would save me a lot of worry (he gets himself into a lot of hurtful situations because the women he loves the most are the ones who treat him really badly) but I suppose you can't help how you feel about your friends.

Very true, you can't I could shake my BF sometimes because she's so flaming gullible and I feel that she will live to regret letting this moron rule her life. I try to console myself that she must be getting something she needs out of this dysfunctional relationship

Yes I feel the same! The worst part is that the woman he left was lovely. She really loved him too and would have taken very good care of him but he was bored.

New woman is exotic, pretty and size zero and that was the first thing he told me about her so you can see his skewed ideal of what's important in a relationship.

Hmmm, yes it all becomes clear now Ophuchi! And how exactly does he think this is any kind of basis for having children and sharing a life together? You must feel like smashing your head against the wall! Hang in there, and post on here - MN is good for venting!

Oh, you guys have been wonderful, I've been feeling sick with worry on top of being pregnant! I know it's not nice of me to say but I hope she doesn't fall pregnant right away so that it gives him a bit more time to think with his brain and not his penis!