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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

First love keen to meet, but I'm not sure......

11 replies

PeepToes · 30/08/2011 12:59

Hi everyone

I have recently left me abusive H along with our 3 small DCs, and set up in my hometown. As you can imagine, whilst it has been an enormous relief, it has been incredible hard. I feel that I'm getting my old zest for life back, and am much, much more like myself. So all good.

Anyway, my first love has recently contacted me after 20years and is keen to get together, his intentions are romantic rather than platonic. We have been messaging each other, and it is nice to reminisce. I hadn't had intimacy with anyone for years, so I'm for want of a better expression, desperate!!

Should I just go with the flow, and have fun, or what?

OP posts:

HummelBoy · 30/08/2011 13:02

Is he Ex for a reason, ?

MerylStrop · 30/08/2011 13:04

If you are feeling like you could cope with it all going wrong (or with the realization that he hasn't -er - aged as well as you/it was a good job you split up in the first place) then why not?

If you are in a strong and happy place and don't take it too seriously, can it really do any harm?

buzzsorekillington · 30/08/2011 13:08

What Hummel said. Why did you split with him in the first place?

Anniegetyourgun · 30/08/2011 18:16

... and are you absolutely sure he's single?

cathkidstonbag · 30/08/2011 18:27

Is he single? Why did he contact you? How did you break up?
That whole "first love" thing is pretty potent stuff and sometimes you ignore things that would otherwise be obvious in someone you just met.
Just because a man was kind, trustworthy, caring 20 years ago does NOT mean he will be now. Treat him as you would if you'd just met him. Have the same kind of boundaries you would do in that situation.

HairyGrotter · 30/08/2011 19:14

I did that, 5 months later I was left pregnant and very much alone. Be wary because they are Ex's for reasons and the rose tinted teen view of the boy doesn't necesarily translate well 20 years later...

susiedaisy · 30/08/2011 19:26

Why did he become your ex?

crazyhead · 30/08/2011 20:20

I got back together my teen love in our 30s, our relationship is just wonderful and I couldn't be happier! So it just depends really - the OP may have split up because she or he just weren't old enough for a serious relationship at the time (how it was in my case)

What I would say though is that it is potentially a bigger 'risk' when there is a history already, so maybe have a good think about whether you are ready yet after your tough recent experiences

ImperialBlether · 30/08/2011 21:27

Did you leave your children, too, or just your abusive ex?

Original poster

PeepToes · 31/08/2011 00:23

No my children are with me.

He's an ex because I was going to university and he wasn't. I finished with him.

I guess it's just so flattering, but I totally take on your points. Think I won't take it all too seriously, and maybe we might have some fun along the way!

OP posts:

solidgoldbrass · 31/08/2011 00:26

There's no harm in a meeting just to see what he's like these days. As long as you remember that, first love or not, you owe him nothing and if he's a creep, or a bore, or a whinyarse, you can just decline any further meetings.

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