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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Feeling a bit like a prostitute (constant pressure for sex)

40 replies

SmellySkidMarks · 29/08/2011 10:00

DP and I do not yet live together and contact during the week is fairly limited to text and skype which is not ideal. We see each other on alternate weekends where we either stay at my house on the saturday night or we stay at his. What is bothering me however is that he seems to be under the impression that sex is guaranteed on these weekends and I feel a bit under pressure to be "in the mood" just because it's that weekend. My sex drive isn't great at the best of times but I do try, however I'm feeling like everytime we spend a night together I have to "perform" my sexual duties otherwise I get nagged and nagged all night about it. Last weekend we stayed at his house and from the minute I got there he started going on about sex. We had dinner, opened a bottle of wine and sat on the sofa and he kept on and on "think we should go upstairs for an hour" "why I don't I bring the duvet down and we can get undressed and cosy?" "you want to watch a movie? ok sex first and then a movie?" "shall we go for a shower? yes? and then in the bedroom for an hour?"
It gets really, really tiresome. I made it clear I just wanted to watch a movie. So that finished at 10pm and he immediately jumped up, turned the TV off and said it was bedtime. I said there is no way on earth I'm going to bed at 10pm on a saturday night when we have no reason to get up early the next day, we have wine to drink, no kids to take care of for the night etc so he said "well I didn't mean bed to sleep". He just goes on and on.
I did speak to him about it and he said because he doesn't see me all week he gets really horny by the weekends we're together but when I tried to explain that I don't always want to jump into bed as soon as we see each other he just said "I know, it's awkward." but yet he still nags and nags.
It's got to the point now thought where even when I just pop in to take something around or for a coffee he starts it up "shall we pop upstairs for a quickie? can I give you a massage? can you stay an extra hour and I'll bring you a coffee upstairs?" It's really starting to make me dread our weekends together.

OP posts:

akaemmafrost · 29/08/2011 12:38

Oh yuk! He sounds AWFUL. Was just feeling a bit down about being alone with dc on Bank Holiday, then read your thread OP and it brought me back down to earth with a bang. So GLAD to be single!

I would have to dump him I'm afraid, sorry, sure that's not that helpful to you.

babyhammock · 29/08/2011 13:08

Jeeze...he's enough to put anyone off!

Find someone much less annoying and have some fun x

ImperialBlether · 29/08/2011 13:54

Have to say, OP, you have the most disgusting username I've ever seen online!

buzzsorekillington · 29/08/2011 14:45

You sound totally mismatched, I think you should part company.

RumourOfAHurricane · 29/08/2011 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ChizChizChiz · 29/08/2011 19:45

Well, it's all wrong really, isn't it? I'd get shot, pdq, because it doesn't sound like either of you are getting much out of it.

I can understand that, if he's only seeing you once a fortnight, he may well be gagging for it. So he's not being totally unreasonable in that sense. But he is being pretty unsubtle and offputting in the way he goes about it - and it doesn't sound like you've got much in common anyway... so why are you continuing?

You're on a hiding to nothing with this one, imo. Finish it and one day you'll find someone that you're more compatible with, in all ways.

confidence · 29/08/2011 21:31

Agree with above.

It's not the dude's fault he's horny, only sees you occasionally and wants sex more than you do (though he clearly needs to work on his persuastion techniques!). But you seem to have very little in common generally, AND completely mismatched libidos. Can't see it making you happy like that.

jrhmum · 29/08/2011 23:28

COMMUNICATE! Tell him how it makes you feel - and what you need - wooing! Plan a date - something you have not done together - 10pin bowling or a comedy show and put a ban on sex suggestions altogether (and try including all other irritating conversation topics such as football!)!
Since having DS (2.7 years) my sex drive has plummetted and hubby had got to making these type of suggestions - although not as frequently as your OH. I got to the stage of feeling I HAD to have sex. One night in particular I just switched off, and barely responded - he said it was awful, and never wants it like that again! He stopped the suggestions, and the expectations, and now leaves it up to me to make the first move. I don't feel like crap and he gets an unexpected bonus :o
However, we do live together, and have done for 7 years now!
P.s. If you are on hormonal contraception, see if you can get it changed, it might be your hormones affecting your libido?!

solidgoldbrass · 30/08/2011 00:37

Just bin him. It doesn't sound like you are getting anything out of this relationship apart from being able to say that you are Not Single. Being single is much better than spending all your child-free, chore-free time with a man waving his cock at you.
Nothing is more off-putting than being constantly pestered for sex, and a man who keeps on ignoring your obvious reluctance and repeatedly bringing up the subject is a man who is selfish, insensitive and thick. After all, it must be obvious to him that the more he pesters, the more uninterested you become.
Mind you, there is an even less appealing possible explanation for his behaviour, which is that he doesn't actually want sex either but wants to see you squirm and be embarrassed and annoyed. There are some men like this. Have a think about whether he might be one of them, and get rid anyway, because this relationship clearly isn't working.

barbiegrows · 30/08/2011 12:51

You expect something from him that you don't get, he expects something from you that you don't get. Having a partner isn't about going to the movies together. Of course you don't like the same movies. Of course you don't like the same bands. You do those kinds of things with friends, not with partners, unless you're really lucky and are culturally in tune.

Pestering you for sex when you've clearly said 'no' is harrassment. Remember that.

Let him go, he'll be happier with someone else and it sounds like you will too. If you move in together you may see him more often, it will take the edge off things but he won't change and if he's already prepared to harrass you to get what he wants, there will be a lot more of that to come in the future. It may not be pressure for sex but it may be for other things - like not letting you go out and doing the things you want to do.

This is how it starts. It started like this for me 25 years ago and I am only now beginning to find a way to tear down the fort he has built around me.

AnyFucker · 30/08/2011 21:16

he sounds like a complete pillock

I am certain you could do better than this knobhead

barbiegrows · 31/08/2011 16:00

That's just exactly what I was trying to say AF!

AnyFucker · 31/08/2011 17:00

BG,

I hope Op is still reading. I am sure she appreciates all the different styles of saying the exact same thing.

Or not, since she has gone rather quiet

barbiegrows · 31/08/2011 17:47

Well, some are quieter than others

AnyFucker · 31/08/2011 18:53

are you still there, OP ?

give us a sign...

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