Herhissyness Every hour I keep expecting it to come over me. To suddenly expect to miss him so much that I cant cope. I am literally taking every hour one at a time. I have MN on my Iphone just in case lol.
I know that because I have gotten back in touch with some friends he would hate that there is no going back even if i wanted to....Ive made it impossible just in case he contacts me.
Going back would mean even more suspision over what im up to and more lies on my part. I cant go back.
Ive been lying here thinking if i miss him, I think that he gave me such a hard time over the last few months that I cant say that i do.
Im glad I havent heard the words whore, c*nt, or anything else like that for four days lol I cried every day (yep every day - it sounds like im exagerating as i write this)
I was very scared of more change, of making that leap in case i didnt like it but I do.
I am also being realistic as i said before, I am preparing for the saddness. On tuesday I am going to call my doctor and ask for any courses in my area on DV and I am waiting for Lundy's book to come. I need to understand a bit more and be able to accept my situation was abuse. That will really seal the deal about not going back.
Need to go to docs about my eye too, i think I will need an x-ray. The bruise has nearly gone now but there is a rock hard lump on my cheekbone, Its worrying me as I cant touch it. Has anyone else had this, is it normal? It is like a perfectly round ball on my cheekbone under the skin.
this turned out to be a bit longer than expected, sorry guys lol xxx