You want to know the worst thing about being married to someone who treats you badly?

[Bogeyface]

Its that it makes you so fucking cynical.

I have been physically abused in one relationship and cheated on in my marriage, and I dont know one of my friends (male or female) that hasnt been "done wrong" in one way or another.

So when I hear of people saying that they are really happy and that they know their OH wouldnt hurt them in anyway, I think "Yeah they will, it either hasnt happend yet or you havent found out about it".

I just hope that today (Saturday, I havent been asleep yet!), somewhere, a beautiful girl got married to her Prince Charming and that she doesnt turn into a vile demanding shrew and he doesnt turn into a cheater or a beater. I hope that somone, somewhere really is living happily ever after.

And may I just fess up to having had a couple of glasses of wine and being 7 weeks post find out about his cheating so am feeling rather maudlin :(

It's weird how there can be stages in life when all/most of your f and f seem happy / unhappy in relationships at the same time. I would say it is bad luck that so many of your friends are suffering at the moment, as well as you, of course. Things will look quite different in a few years, I'm sure. Either that or you just notice the unhappy ones at the moment and are perhaps oversensitive about any perceived problems.

It's totally normal for you to be cynical at the moment, after what you've been through. My friend who was cheated on while pregnant - who subsequently found out he didn't actually want the baby, even though it had taken years and IVF - emerged relatively unscathed and 2 years on, now has a lovely boyfriend. I actually found it difficult to understand that she wans't more messed up about it and met someone else within a couple of months. She's happy so I can't criticise - but it would take me a lot longer to regain my trust in men or want to be with anyone else.

By the way, congrats on the baby!

Im shocked bogey what a f'ing nightmare for you.My dd was 8 months when i found out about ex and his child bride.It had obviously been going on a while too,i felt great with my flabby tummy and impending return to work. He is still with her, has nothing and lives with her Mother-at 41- I have the house and a nice dh and new baby
Up until then i was of the school of thought "leave the bastard" i must admit i did consider staying with him but in the end couldnt really be bothered to self doubt all my life.
As i said,dh is a dream come true but nothing will ever stop me being cautious,i see it as a poisitve,i have remained independent and would be able to cope if i was alone again.
Have you decided what to do yet?What a betrayal,no one would blame you for giving him another chance but maybe castrate the fucker first.
If you need to talk im around xx

I have only one friend whose DH played away and got divorced. Can I just add that it is my Ruby wedding on Thursday.

I agree with ledkr. In my 2 previous long-term relationships I was cheated on repeatedly in the first, then physically & emotionally abused in the second. So my radar was on full alert when I met DH. I tested and provoked him a lot in the early days to see how he would react but it turns out he is a genuinely NICE MAN. It took me a long time to believe I deserved that.
I know that, if we should ever part I could cope. We have 2 dcs together and while it would be hard financially and emotionally (I love him more than I thought possible), I would pick myself up, deal with it and be happy again in time.
Good luck Bogey, you are entitled to feel angry and bitter - life has some nasty lessons sometimes, but you sound like a great Mum and you are doing well, with sage advice given by you on other threads. All the best. Don't judge everyone by your shitty H though - someone might surprise you!

tbh i actually think its kind of positive for the other partner to know they are not indespensible.Dh is with me cos he loves me asnd not out of some sense of entitlement,i am honest when i feel insecure and in turn he is able to do so too.I went on a hen weekend,he admited he felt worried as im a bit of a drinker and all my friends are singal girls,this enabled me to reassure him and i made an effort to keep in touch over the weekend,not in a creepy way just being realisitic.