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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I feel like walking away from my family

9 replies

sonearsofar · 26/08/2011 08:29

I've just had my birthday. As I've recently been in a lot of pain with dental problems, I've also been feeling that I need a bit of TLC. Anyway, 2 of my 3 children have forgotton. I got a card from the other. My husband gave me a card and flowers. This probably sounds totally pathetic but I feel really sad/angry that none of them have bothered to buy me a present. My husband thinks I'm ungrateful because he's really busy and 'doesn't have time' to get me a present and haven't appreciated the card and flowers enough (!) So effectively I'm upset, he's angry with me because I'm upset. Anyway, friends have said 'well, men/children are like that' but why can't he say 'I'm really sorry, let's go out this weekend and get something nice' instead of making me feel like a grasping bitch?
I feel as though I've spent the last 30 years of my life nurturing a family that basically don't give a shit about me.
Can anyone say anything that will make me feel like my life hasn't been wasted?

OP posts:

Mitmoo · 26/08/2011 08:37

Can anyone say anything that will make me feel like my life hasn't been wasted?

Happy Birthday?

Original poster

sonearsofar · 26/08/2011 08:43

:-)

OP posts:

Mitmoo · 26/08/2011 08:45

Sorry not much use, DH's can be useless at pressies, they don't get it and kids, well theyre kids. Perhaps they've got something up their sleeves for later.

PhilipJFry · 26/08/2011 08:46

Your husband is angry with you because if he's annoyed at your reaction then he doesn't need to examine the less then stellar effort he and your children have made for your day. Do you see what I mean? It's easier to think "Oh, she's being unreasonable about it" rather than "I ballsed up and didn't get a gift or encourage the kids to".

I don't blame you for being hurt. It's a real shame they've not put in any effort and you would not be wrong to tell them that it upsets you. Don't feel that you have to keep quiet but tell them how hurt you were that none of them tried to do something. It's not a crime to remind them that while you're a wife and mother you're also a person with thoughts and feelings. I think they've taken you for granted and need a kick up the ass, since they're probably hoping you just won't mention it any more.

I would arrange to go out by yourself or with friends at the weekend and treat yourself. You haven't wasted your life and when your children mature a bit more or have children of their own they'll realise just how much you gave them.

countingto10 · 26/08/2011 08:48

I think you need to say bugger them and book yourself a spa day with some good female friends and let them get on with it. Don't look to them to make you feel better, try and nurture yourself with hobbies etc.

I live in a house with a DH and 4DS - I feel seriously outnumbered at times and a "skivvy". I am trying not to allow my DSs to turn into selfish, lazy so and sos and tell my DH that he has to understand how he behaves and treats me etc is their role model, they learn from example etc.

The best thing I did in the spring was buy a horse for myself (I know not everybody is into riding etc) but it is something totally for me and suddenly mum is not around as much and has a life of her own and I am far better to live with when I've been out and about on the horse. Best thing I have done and not sure that DH is as keen

Good luck and happy birthday

joblot · 26/08/2011 10:57

I'd give their birthdays the same treatment so they know how it feels. And think about what you really want, now and longer term. Hope you're looking after yourself, no other bugger will

dietcokenoice · 28/08/2011 11:22

aww, happy birthday... i feel like this quite often, i think its because i do put some effort into birthday pressies, mabey that is your trouble too? i try to accept that not everyone feels like this x

jasminerice · 28/08/2011 11:28

I'm so sorry your family haven't made the effort they should have. Totally understandable that you feel upset. I would tell them how you feel, either face to face or write a little note. Hopefully they'll realise and do something to make it up to you.

perfumedlife · 28/08/2011 11:29

I understand. I had a similar experience several years back and was in a sulk/tears on and off all day. I told dh I was disappointed, the CEO of ICI busy, eveyone is busy, but you make someone your priority for their special day, that's what makes it special.

Tell him, and the kids. Treat yourself meantime, while they get their act together. Happy Birthday x

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