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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I don't think my mum likes my boyf

9 replies

bourneville · 07/12/2005 18:21

FYI, I'm a single mum and my boyf doesn't live with us and isn't playing father etc etc.... OK, we?ve been together almost 3 years and he hasn?t seen much of my parents at all in spite of them being a bus ride away, mainly because we have limited time together as it is, so spending time together with my parents is hardly a priority. Anyway, me and my mum were talking about my dd getting up out of bed etc (she has been out of a cot for a couple of days now), and I was saying it?ll be interesting to see what happens next time my boyf comes over after work as he normally arrives after she?s gone to bed, but sometimes while she?s still awake chattering to herself. She is bound to try getting up to see him? my mum says ?Oh, and he?ll just make it worse, he hasn?t got any sense!? or something to that effect. I was livid, but only replied ?That?s not true at all actually, he is fully backing me up with the discipline stuff, he would be all for ?back to bed? and stuff. But yes, him just being there would excite dd.? My mum sort of corrected herself, saying it is exciting seeing boyf (for dd) but the damage was done, I now know what she really thinks of him. It?s prob made worse by the fact that she hardly ever sees him, and I know he prob comes across as more immature and less supportive than he is, but how dare she judge my boyf when she never sees how we are together/how he is with dd? And to say he hasn?t any sense!!! Grrrr.

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bourneville · 07/12/2005 18:25

PS It is really weird cos everyone else I talk to about our relationship, think that boyf is a star to have stuck with me throughout pregnancy etc with another man's child (we got together just before I found out I was pregnant) but I always get the impression my mum is really cynical about him or wary or something, like she looks down on him or thinks he's not good enough for me or something. How many men do you know who would stick with their girlfriend when a month into their relationship she announced she was pregnant with another guy's child!! And why do people always think we should be living with each other etc - maybe she thinks he should be supporting me 100% as in become stepfather etc. Why should that be expected of him? Why can't we just have a normal relationship with the added pleasure of a lovely third party (my dd). They adore each other btw...

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bourneville · 07/12/2005 21:11

bump

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Arc2005 · 08/12/2005 11:20

FWIW My mother has never approved of any bf I had and dosnt like my dh.

Her mother was the same .

I am determined to approve of all young women (or men) my 3 ds' bring home in the future!

Forget it - you are happy .

You could try saying to her "Its obvious that you are not too keen on X but we are very happy together' and leave it at that ?

CrystalmasJingleTips · 08/12/2005 11:29

What is your relationship like with your Mum ?
Does it really bother you ? Would a comment like this be totally out of character ? Is she perhaps a bit jealous ?

Just a thought

bourneville · 08/12/2005 18:28

It's not completely out of character though it did take me by surprise a bit as it was such a generalised comment. My mum can be quite judgmental. It just surprised me because she hasn't exactly witnessed anything that would make her think he has no sense! I was a bit confused.
I know I shouldn't be bothered, as you said, I know I'm happy & that he's a good guy, etc. Maybe I haven't let go properly yet of my mother and care too much what she thinks!
I'm hoping this Christmas that boyf will be spending a bit of time with me & my family so perhaps that'll help too...

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CrystalmasJingleTips · 08/12/2005 18:33

Have you mentioned any of this to him ?

bourneville · 08/12/2005 22:07

ooh no he would be very upset & hurt. I think he's quite insecure & was always very nervous about meeting my family etc, though he can turn on the friendliness and come across as relaxed etc at the time. If I told him my mum said that he would be devastated - and furious - it would ruin any chances of them ever getting on! Best he doesn't know.

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CrystalmasJingleTips · 08/12/2005 22:19

OK then - tell him that your Mum said something complimentary .... you know what blokes are like - they love having their egos massaged ... he'll therefore make more of an effort with her - surely everyone wins then

bourneville · 09/12/2005 13:46

Can't think of anything complimentary she has said about him recently though! Come to think of it, at the very beginning, before we actually got together actually, my mum took a big liking to him cos he was so nice to me (i was living with them at the time), weird how it's gone wrong, you'd think the opposite would happen...

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