H and I have been together for 20years. We have two beautiful DCs and I am distraught that our relationship has come to an end. When I married him I knew that he would never be a big earner because he is a skilled engineer but not interested in being a foreman or moving up. I did study for a profession but mainly because I didn't go to uni and I'm quite academic. When we decided to have kids we said that we would do whatever it took in order to manage their upbringing knowing that it was likely we would both have to keep working. However it really hasn't turned out that way.
He carried on working full time and I worked part time until our second child was born. My H had lots of problems at work with his boss and was very stressed. I agreed to go to work full time so that he could take some time off to get better, get to know the kids more and go to college to retrain as he said he was fed up with engineering. I was offered promotion after a year which meant we could afford to move house but we didn't overstretch ourselves so that I still had the option of going part time when H went back to work full time. However over the last 7 years H has repeatedly refused to go to college, refused to get a full time job and I am at a loss. I have found it really difficult to cope with demanding work, look after my DCs and have left three jobs in the hope that it would kickstart him into taking more responsibility (it hasn't and I've always been the one to find work as he hasn't done anything). Other than this, he has been a bully to the DCs, my youngest has suffered from an anxiety disorder and we have no social life and very little love. I have tried to do my best to be breadwinner and a good mother, both of which I know I would have to do if I was on my own but it is so frustrating when I have to do this whilst in a relationship. He has got a part time job now but the work isn't guaranteed so the wages he earns vary each month but generally pay for about half of our mortgage.
I told him a year ago that I thought we should separate, we went to Relate for a single session but he didn't think there would be any point going back. Then after I was poorly over Christmas I asked him to leave as I thought it would help me to have 6 months apart. He refused. I said that I was not going to continue to support him anymore so he needed to find a job which would contribute at least half towards all of our monthly outgoings. He said he would find something by September. And he hasn't done anything about it. So I know it is over.
What should I do next? I don't know how to do this emotionally or practically because I've always been the one to put things right or patch things up. Now I'm going to be tearing everything apart.