Hi upturnj I am lucky to have very supportive friends, psychologist, GP, boss and colleagues. I am currently divorcing my H. I have lost my dreams of a happy marriage and family, I am going to lose my home, and I have had all my foundations shaken by the discovery that not only my H but my mother are abusive -- making me the victim of abuse my entire life.
Still, the loss of my pregnancy a year ago is what grieves me the most.
My miscarriage was a catalyst for my divorce, I think. The pain was so huge, that I finally could not, on top of it, take the pain of my stbxh's verbal and emotional abuse (and physical intimidation) anymore. And of all the things my stbxh has done, the one that hurt the most, and is now the only memory that still really angers me, was his attitude around my miscarriage. Although outsiders would say that other things he did are objectively worse.
It was an MMC that took 6 weeks to resolve. One day during this period I was crying in bed, and my stbxh passed by on his way to make himself coffee. Over his shoulder, he said: "When are you going to stop crying? I want you back." Then he went on his way. I had, thanks to MN, heard that men are affected by miscarriages too, so thought that surely he was covering up his own pain with that callous statement. So I probed his feelings: did he feel any sense of loss that he might want to share with me? In response he swore and raged at me, and broke down a door with his fists, calling me names and asking : "How dare you ask me to have feelings that I simply don't have?". Once he had cooled down, the destruction of the door was, of course, according to him: "It's your fault; you made me angry."
I have no idea if this is helpful or relevant to you. But the pain in your post really touched me, since I have also experienced the twin sorrows of miscarriage, and an un-empathetic and blame-proof H.