Can you help me write a letter?

[santaslittleunicorn]

Basic gist -my (elderly) mum and dad are coming down pre xmas to fly out of London on holiday with brother/wife+child and my sister.

I have had major fall outs with.. er.. all of them really over the last 2 years, but for my kids sake would like them to see grandparents before xmas.
They have no accomodation for us where they live, and tbqh it is never very pleasant when we visit -(have to drive there and back in a day)

this is what happened today

So - need to find a way of inviting them before they go away... but.....
how given that a) they don't seem that botherered, and b)my brother seems to decide everything.

Thanks for reading.. and plse help if you can.

well... why not just say everything that's on your chest...

start by saying you were really hurt by what she said on the phone and that you feel like she doesn't want to listen to you... explain what's gone on and how it has made you feel.

tell her that you really want your kids to have a good relationship with them, and that it'd be really niec if you could see them before they fly out

Thanks
It could be very long though!
Not sure whether to just do a simple/formal invite.. and not be accused of 'talking too much'.

dh thinks maybe he should write them a simple invite and leaving me (the troublesome one) out...

I just don't know what to do for the best.

help!

how about this.

Dear Mum and Dad,

I am sorry if you think I talk too much, but really I more sad that you don't want to listen.

I have had major problems with both my brother (name) and sister (name) yet you don't want to hear my side of the story.

As a parent I hope I will be fair to all my children.
(even the ones that cause more problems)

I hope that because you would actually be in London prior to your holiday, you would endeavor to come and see us.

It seems that this is all dependent on (brother).

Perhaps you could ask him if he will allow it?

If so dh will gladly pick you up and drop you off again..
please let us know your arrangements.

Personally- if your objective is to get your mum and dad to see your kids I wouldn't try to broach any past barney's, nor would I try to lay blame anywhere or explain anything. Your dh sending them an invite is a good idea or maybe a note from the kids perhaps or maybe from you. Just an invite though, no discussion of anything

thanks Pixiefish...

I don't know though... my objective is to get them to listen to me for once, AND,come and see the kids.

I am not very good at just pretending everything is ok for the sake of the kids, I really want us to get on, and sort out these problems.

I guess I am naive.

Obviously I don't know all the facts here, so I'm sorry if this sounds a bit harsh, but it seems as if they are making you do all the work.

I know you love them and I know what it is to want to seek the approval of family members, but when I have been faced with similar (although by the sounds of it not as serious) circumstances I have tried my best, and begged and pleaded and cried and then decided to give up and let them do the running for a while. It has taken time (sometimes almost a year) but they do come to you in the end. When it was me trying to get their attention and failing I just ended up losing self respect and confidence. I now know that when the cycle repeats itself it's not because of me but because of them (well, one person in particualr) who is spoiled, selfish and manipulative. I can do without myself, or my kids being subject to that behaviour. But that was just my situation, yours may well be very different, and realising that was the root of the problem has made it easier to deal with.

It sounds to me like you have a wonderful supportive DH. Leave them to their petty clique and enjoy the love of your DH and kids. It's their loss - although I do see your point about the kids missing out on grandparents, but I still don't see why you should have to beg them in this manner.

As for letters etc - I'm never comfortable with confronting issues in this manner but that is just my way. More of a face to face / telephone kinda gal.

Again, sorry if i've got the wrong end of the stick.

separate the two things - nice polite note to get them to come visit the kids.

Then after Xmas write a longer letter to parents (or is the porblem just mum ?) explaining the problem with siblings, and also your hurt over her not appearing to want to hear your side.

Your letter in this thread does not create the right tone (IMHO) - more like a little girl crying not fair - which I guess is much nearer to the way you feel