I just don't find him attractive anymore

[tootiredtomakeupagoodname]

DH and I have been married for 5 years together for 8. We have two lovely DS's. He is hard working and a great dad and for the most part we get along like best friends and rarely argue, etc. He is hard to argue with as he is so laid back. He has never been one to make an effort with clothes or looks and so this is not his fault, it is something I have always been aware of but I think after having two DC and knowing the effort I put in to looking nice when we go out it is bothering me that he doesn't even try. He is naturally attractive, happy person and everyone loves him if that makes sense, no one can ever see that he has bad points like everyone else and I am not a very open person so would struggle to discuss this with anyone in RL, we have also moved away from our home so I don't have any friends I feel close enough to discuss this with.

I have worked hard to gain back my feelings but just can't see us getting there and probably should end the marriage but we have a good life and our DS are so happy and settled, I know they would have not have the same life if we were to split.

Sorry for the mammoth post, I think I just needed to write it all down.

That really is sad, I hope it works out for you too tawdry, tell me to stick my nose out but do you think you will ever be able to be together? cyb is right life is far too short to be unhappy

From where I am sitting this is not about his fashion sense, or his looks, or anything like that.

You appear to be saying that the chemistry has gone between you- for you, anyway.

You have to ask if he smartened himself up- would that make any difference at all?

How do you feel when he doesn't have clothes on do you fancy him, or not?

cyb
Yes if you cant say to him 'you need a haircut' as his wife then you can't say anything.
Sometimes men need these things pointing out to them, or you could say 'You look really nice when you wear that shirt etc etc'

Oh dear. Just be careful how you phrase things, I've lost count of the number of times us women have posted in AIBU complaining that their DH has said something tactless.

"He said my bum looks big etc etc".

Yes, both partners should be able to say things in the context of a loving relationship, but people all too often forget that...

Yes I meant OM tawdry, will read your thread tonight with glass of wine in hand.

amelia that is a sore point, I haven't seen him much with his clothes off - I guess no, I don't feel sexually attracted to him, but I want to have sex if that makes sense!

Why have you not seen him much with his clothes off ? Is it because you aren't having much sex- or he is shy? And you do it in the dark

So you want sex, yes? But just not with him?

I've not seen him with clothes off much recently, I should have said. Combination of him working away, having relatives to visit and me not wanting his physical closeness - kissing and so on. I would like us to get the closeness back so that I want to have sex with him. He is not shy in the slightest

See, I don't think your relationship is beyond repair, as you say you want to get the closeness back with him. I think this is def achievable, but he has to make you feel valued , sexy and attractive and has to make an effort himself

I know its such a hackneyed phrase but 'date night' can make a difference, it just means you've both got to step up and not take each other for granted