help with DP

[c0nfusticated]

Am a long time poster (pom bears, the greggs debated etc) but have name changed for this as I don't want to be outed in RL, and DP knows I post on here.

I had DD almost 2 years ago, and earlier this year finally got round to pulling my finger out and doing something about shifting the remaining baby weight. I've been working really hard at it, and it is working, I'm down to a 10 (from a 16 post DD), and am still loosing the weight and I may even get back into my size 8 clothes if I stick at it.

I'm feeling great about myself and have started wearing clothes other than just baggy jumpers and trousers to work.

Now this is where I start to have a problem.

DP doesn't seem to have noticed at all - apart from making a comment about me spending money on some new clothes (which I really needed as nothing fitted me and I looked like a kids dressing up in my mums clothes - anyway I digress). I would just love for him to see the effort I've made and actually pay me a compliment

But other people have noticed, particularly one of the guys I work fairly close with, we've always had a bit of a joke flirt and we've always done lunches together, and been very good friends.

He's started saying all the things I would love my DP to say, and actually makes me feel worth something other than just a mother and an income.
Nothing has ever happened with this guy at work, but it's just so nice to have someone pay me some attention, and pay me a compliment. I fear I may be starting to lean towards doing something, he's already started texting me in the evenings for nothing more than a friendly chat, and I generally ignore him, but occasionally DP is in a foul mood, or being a grumpy bugger and I do find I feel the need to chat with this other guy just to cheer myself up.

Please help me pull my head out of my arse before I do something stupid which will ruin my (generally) wonderful relationship with my DP and please can I have some advice on how to get my DP to actually notice me for who I am, and find me attractive again

It may also be that he's worried (and rightly so) that you are out there in the workplace, looking hot, and developing your career and he's getting a bit left behind. My husband stayed home for part of the week with one of mine and although it was a great experience in terms of them being together, I don't think in terms of the relationship dynamic it worked terribly well. It has worked much better now we are both out in the workplace, but that may just be us.

Great idea about the night out. Perhaps starting talking about where you both are, if it is suiting you, and why he's running you down a bit about the weight, may help.

My guess is if he's a SAHD that he IS worried about how attractive you are to others and how you perceive him (otherwise why the put downs about what you have achieved), this is all worth talking about.

You may have hit on something there (although will argue the looking hot - I just look less like I've been dragged through a hedge backwards :) )

I think you're right about having a chat and seeing were we are and how he feels about things as they stand.

Fingers crossed :)

oh and thank you.

No worries, and you must be reasonably hot otherwise the other guy wouldn't have been texting!

No, it's not like that - we've been friends for years, but always just had a bit of a laugh and a harmless flirt.

I'm having awful experience with DP since having DD. He refuses to have any sexual contact with me and has to be nagged into hugs etc because he says I'm noy attractive anymore and that I'm fat. I've only gone up to a size 10 ffs! This is understandable however as he is a recovering anorexic but still makes me ccry myself to sleep some nights.

That's an unacceptable way for him to behave towards you, charlienotcharlotte. Don't let him get away with it - withholding affection and that level of criticism is emotionally abusive and will wreck your self-esteem and ultimately your relationship. Whatever his issues, he should not take them out on you and your understanding & sympathy for him should not extend to accepting the unacceptable.

He should go for therapy (if he's in therapy already, he should tackle this behaviour as part of it) and you could possibly do with some support through counselling yourself.

His warped view of food and appearances needs to be tackled consistently, particularly when you now have a daughter - you have to think about the future where his illness may spill over onto her, not just your relationship.