does relate really work

[cathie187]

hi all

i posted a thread about a week ago about the lack of sex in mine and my partners relationship, after a long chat he has said that he does love me very much and wants us to make the relationship work (have a ds 8 months).

He assures me that the reason for lack of sex is not because of me (but when we row its all my fault because im apparently such a bitch etc).

Anyway we discussed going to relate and have an appointment to go and see them, in every other way he is the perfect dp, works hard, excellent dad, helps around the house etc although he is really critical about things like housework etc.

I feel that by going to relate we have somehow failed in our relationship and not obviously tried hard enough with each other, i mean if we cants solve things between us how will this help.

Does anyone have any experience of this and could give me some advice.

Thanks

No-one can guarantee that relationship counselling will work, but it is likely to help you to communicate better. Try not to think that by needing outside help you have failed - you don't think like that if you need to go to the doctor when you're ill, it's not so different!

Good luck

My mate has just separated from her dh and they had one counselling session together - it really gave her the space to say what she needed to say and really opened his eyes (it was her that had an affair, so he went into it assuming it was all her fault, but came out realising how badly hE had behaved to her as well iyswim). A lot of their stuff was about sex life. I think if you're both up for it and prepared to be honest with each other and hear honest stuff about yourself, and if the counsellor is skilled enough to make doing that feel reasonably safe, then its probably going to be productive on some level.

The funny thing is (IYSWIM) they dont give you any answers they try and get you to give the answers . OH and I are still together 7 years after a few sessions at relate ,I feel it kept us together when we were going through a bad patch . Nothing is a failure its just living life the best way you know how .

I think relate is a good idea and if you can go with an open mind and not think about failure then that will help.

Nothing can make a relationship work except for the two of you but think of it as a helping hand that is all.

We only went for the assesment appointment and that alone helped a lot. Try to kee an open mind.

We only went for the assesment appointment and that alone helped a lot. Try to kee an open mind.

thanks for all your replies, i think i will go for it as it is the only way i can think of for us both to get our points across without screaming at each other as we dl love each other, it just feels like things are spiralling from bad to worse at the moment and i dont know how to fix it.

Why do people see relationship counselling as a weakness or a failure?
We went through it a year or so ago when my dh had a "mid life crisis" and lost the plot having an affair- in my eyes it was a strength to recognise we needed some professional help, that even after 20 odd years together things can be derailed and you can "mend it" if you are truely honest and open and use a professional to help you.
If there is something physically wrong with you- you see a doctor,if your car breaks down you see a mechanic- so why not see a professional when something isn't quite right in your emotional life. It doesn't come with a manuel of how to do it- life and realtionships ! It's a strenght to recognise and be prepared to try and put things right by seeking the right help! Good luck.