Brief history. Since my dad died suddenly in February 2000 at the age of 56 my mum has had a few nervous breakdowns (although she did have 2 while my dad was still alive, so she is prone to them).
My mum was hospitalised on 1 December last year. Took her to the doctors who sent us to the A&E department and they hospitalised her due to malnutrition and difficulty walking (neuropathy). They kept her in our local hospital over Christmas (only 5 minutes up the road from me, I visited every day, I did not go into work at all during the month of December, they kindly let me work from home - my dad was a Director of the same company where I still work). She came home to my house Christmas and Boxing Day but because she was depressed it was not much of a Christmas for her (nor me and my family).
She was transferred in January into an old people's convalescence home - she was the youngest there as she had not then turned 60. She was maltreated (they could not deal with the depression) and eventually was sent to the local psychiatric hospital at the end of January. She was not sectioned but really had no choice in where she went. At least in the psychiatric ward, she was given the sympathy and understanding that she needed for the depression.
(I did write a message on here earlier in the year about how could I support my mother in being in that place when I found it hard to deal with myself ? bad memories from when she was in there when I was a small child. Going to visit her when she was first moved was very distressing for me ? I thought they might have kept me in as I was so upset.))
She was in the psychiatric ward until 20 April this year. Because she became well (mentally), it was no longer the right place for her to be, but because of the neuropathy she could not go home on her own (she lives in a 5 bedroom huge house, just her on her own).
I said I would not let her go into a convalenscence home again (she turned 60 in April this year) and after speaking to my boyfriend and my children, invited her to come and live with me.
She has been living in my house since 20 April and finally moved home today.
I have 3 children (youngest with sotos syndrome ? lots of appointments), work part time (2 days in the office in London and 2 days at home) but I could still be there for my mum.
I work at home on Monday and Friday and in the office on Tuesday and Wednesday (only day off on Thursday). My youngest (sotos) goes to mainstream nursery with a statement of special needs every morning (9 to 11.30) and then to daycare on a Tuesday and Wednesday when I work in the office and on a Friday when I work from home (cannot get much work done on a Monday ? today! - when she is at home with me (working from home) after nursery).
Because my mum cannot currently drive (because of the neuropathy) ? long story, has 2 cars, both undriven, one Mazda MR5 (sports car, 2 door, convertible) and new (53 registration) Hyundai Coupe (only 17 miles on the clock ? had it delivered in October 03, became ill mentally in December 03 and has not driven since ? firstly because she was not well enough to drive mentally and now because of the numbness in her legs and feet) ? she will organise to have her hair done, nails done, go shopping, do this, do that, on a Thursday (which is my only day off) or a Monday or Friday (which is worse because I am supposed to be working from home.
I feel torn in so many ways
? Have 3 beautiful children, girl of 13, boy of 8 and girl of 4 (special needs).
? Work part-time (but feels full time).
? Look after my mum ? running her here, there and everywhere because she is normally so mobile but obviously cannot drive at the moment so relies on me (my only sibling lives in Birmingham).
? Got a wonderful boyfriend who is so good to me and my children but I cannot be the "love goddess" he wants me to be.
BUT NOW MY MUM HAS FINALLY MOVED BACK TO HER OWN HOUSE AND I FEEL SO LOST WITHOUT HER.
I know it is good for her, for me, for my children and for my boyfriend but I still feel at a bit of a loss without her being downstairs.
Don't know why I have written all I have, if you have read this far then THANK YOU but I should be feeling grateful that my mum is now living independently but all I can feel right now is the loss of my mum moving out.