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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

HELP

12 replies

GodKeepsGiving · 15/08/2011 19:58

Just had a massive shock - need advice quick. Posted earlier in Am I Being Unreasonable. Just checked my husband's internet history and he has been looking at Asian Bondage which is possibly the most appalling thing I've ever seen. He'll be back soon and I don't know what to do. Got no family and am afraid.

OP posts:
Original poster
GodKeepsGiving · 15/08/2011 20:06

Had to come offline quickly, he was coming through the gate he's gone back out now. I'm not afraid for my safety physically but I know that if I confront him he'll lie or have explanations lined up. I am going to Women's Aid on Thursday but I just cannot believe it. It is so sinister and creepy - women were chained up and being stroked and touched, in just the same way he touches me. I couldn't watch more than a few seconds of it. I literally feel as sick as a dog. Any advice really welcome.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 15/08/2011 20:07

Hmmmm.

ImperialBlether · 15/08/2011 20:10

What do you mean, the women were being touched like he touches you?

Why did you look at the site? Couldn't you tell from the name what it was going to be like?

ImperialBlether · 15/08/2011 20:15

Do you think that, because he's been looking at porn, he might assault you in some way, OP?

Original poster
GodKeepsGiving · 15/08/2011 20:16

No I couldn't. I have never heard of anything like that! The women were being stroked really gently - like he touches me, but they had collars round their necks and chains coming off them. I looked at the site because it sounded odd, because of his past behaviour he promised me he wouldn't look at porn any more. I need advice. Please. And thank you for replying.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 15/08/2011 20:18

Were you watching a video, then? Or an advert for a video?

Original poster
GodKeepsGiving · 15/08/2011 20:18

No. I feel sickened. He's lied and twisted all kinds of things about his sexual behaviour for years - would barely touch me unless we were actually having sex, wouldn't speak for days. I feel disgusted that my husband would lokk at this sort of thing. It's really vile.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 15/08/2011 20:20

How do you mean, he's lied and twisted things about his behaviour? Is this more of a problem than him looking at porn?

Original poster
GodKeepsGiving · 15/08/2011 20:21

It was a video. I found my husband's browsing list on his PC but I couldn't find the site he'd viewed and I didn't want him to know that I knew so I looked on my own laptop. Asian bondage is REAL bondage - not silk scarves, but ropes and chains etc.

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Original poster
GodKeepsGiving · 15/08/2011 20:24

God yes. He's got gender and sexuality issues - he's been carrying my undies in his pockets and dressing up as a woman- the gender thing isn't as bad in isoaltion but put together it's bloody terrible. He wouldn't have sex with me for months at a time and I thought until early this year he had no sex drive. It sounds comical but he was always collecting buses for his Dad. It turned out he had porn stashed all over the place and had messages from other women on his email account. I really don't know how best to keep a clear head.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 15/08/2011 20:26

You have to ask yourself one question. Bearing all this in mind, do you want to remain married to him? I couldn't - could you?

Original poster
GodKeepsGiving · 15/08/2011 20:33

No. I have to go - I can see him.thanks again.

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