Experience and Advice Greatly Needed

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After a miserable two years DP has moved out in order to address his anger problems. I had initially asked him to leave for good but have realised that if these issues can be sorted then maybe we have a chance. He has booked up some sessions and I have said if these go OK then we can try going to Relate too as a couple (with him still living elsewhere). Has anyone else ever tried this and did it work? I'm so very sad and scared and my eldest child is also upset at the moment. Is this efforst too confusuing for the children? I have been as truthful as I can with her.

???

My goodness Next, you could be me! Although I haven't been brave enough to ask him to leave whilst all this happens. My DH has an appointment at the GP next week to discuss ways to help with his anger.
I have no advice really, just wanted to say that you are not alone and you are doing the right thing. Good luck.

Thank you SackAche(!) It took a lot of asking him to go etc/explosive rows to get here. I feel so numb and he is devastated. I think he has finally realised how terribly he has been treating me and as a consequence, our kids too. I hate it for happening at this time of the year but this time I felt I really had no option.

I hope things work out OK for you too, I hate it so much when things are uncertain. Is this what you would call a 'trial seperation'?

Just wanted to say that my own parents went to counciling with Relate for many problems, my dad's anger being one of them and it helped me as a child of a couple experiencing problems just to know that my parents were doing everything possible to sort things out and make life better. I don't think the point of counciling is that it "works", it's more a means to address problems both of you have and figure out what is best in the long term for you as individuals and if that helps you to become a happy couple again, great, if not it will help you to become happy parents to your kids and help create stability even if you do end up living apart.
Sorry if that sounds negative, not meant to!

Next - I just think you are so brave and sensible for doing what you are doing! I have told DH that this really is it. If nothing improves after counselling then we really can make that break. BUT if whilst the counselling is going on things are still unbearably volatile at home then a trial separation will be the only answer.... with the reward at the end of it all of moving back in.

My DH has thee most terrible verbal attacks on me whenever we try to talk about anything 'awkward' like finances etc. He has surprised me alot by really wanting help and totally recognising his problem. Thats a huge step!

TBH I have a lot of hope that you and your H will get through this.

Thanks Ironmaiden - we have agreed (sadly) that no, this might not work, but at least I will know that we really did try everything. The hardest part is talking to DD about it - I have said that we are living apart so that we can try and sort our arguements out, so that we can try to be happy. She is quite upset and just gave me a drawing of herself with a sad face crying

SA, have your children been witness to any of your bad times?

Next - Yes. Ds is 4.5yrs old and he disappears up to his room. Then later he'll say that he doesn't like it when Daddy shouts at Mummy. It breaks my heart. DH and I always tell him that we are sometimes a bit silly and get angry just like he does sometimes. And that it's nothing to do with him, but just Mummy and Daddy throwing tantrums. We always tell him that we love him and that we love each other too.

Dd is 16mths old and usually pads about oblivious.

Also SA, whenever we got to this point before he would plead to have another chance and I would give in. Perhaps I reached my limit with him? He is absolutley broken by all this but is admitting the HUGE problem lies with him, so like your partner, that in itself is a big step.

Sounds a lot like us SackAche. It is very hard.

Next - that is a big realisation for them. They somehow manage to convince themselves that they have been forced into behaving that way. Well now they can see its them! BIG Step forward!!!! And hopefully for you and I this is the start of a much happier marriage.

Feel like I can't cope atall today with the kids but at the same time making a big effort with eldest as she is upset. I let her have today off of school, but want her to go in tomorrow. Do you think that is right if she seems OK? (She is OK for a while then remembers whats going on). I will tell her teacher what has happened. I just think that she will need some normality in her day?? Unsure.

Next - totally agree that she should go to school. Normality is exactly what she needs.... and not at home sensing the stress you are under. She'll be fine! Remember this will ultimately lead to a happier situation all round!

It just all feels so strange, almost as if someone has died - that horrible feeling in your stomach.

Next - Try to think of it as anticipation of how things will go? Whats died is a bad relationship! But a good one could be lurking underneath.

Thank you SA!!! That is a nice way of looking at it. It could take months though, couldn't it. I just hope he sticks to it, though I suppose if he means it he will.

I feel a lot better for 'talking' to you!! I've actually posted about my relationship stuff on here before under a different name, and it surpises me to 'meet' people with the same problems, because its all to easy to feel like the only one!

bumping for anyone that has done the same and come tthru it??

again