I've posted before regarding boozing DH - needless to say due to tiredness and possibly depression I haven't done anything...I have a 9 month old DS and 5 year old DD. My husband drinks at least a bottle of wine a night and spends most evenings in the garage smoking, drinking sometimes on phone. He pops in and out throughout the evening. When I last posted I realised we needed to go to relate - he refused "I spend my life in therapy". He sees a shrink once a month and cbt guy weekly following a big problem at his work which resulted in him moving jobs. It's more complicated than that but I can't go into the details here...anyway...I asked him to stop drinking, but he doesn't think it's a problem so wouldn't. He never gets up in am with children and thinks he does his fair share of 'jobs' around the house (bins, mowing, gardening, drilling etc). I "don't do that much" apparently. He gets up about 10ish when not going to work and pretends not to hear baby waking up. Both children are very mum-orientated - baby self-explanatory as still bfeeding, but the 5 year old too, although she will do some things with him she gets frustrated because during the day if he is doing something with her it invariably involves 15 min trips to garage for a smoke every 30 mins. He speaks to her in a faux enthusiastic voice instead of normally and doesn't speak to me during the day at all really - it's not rudeness it's complete indifference. He has been off work this week and has changed one nappy (baby not 5 yr old..). A few weeks ago DS said to me "dad doesn't really talk to you does he?" which shook me a little out of myself that even a 5 year old could validate what I was feeling, but an adult couldn't see it. DS doesn't sleep well and waking up 4 x night. I know controlled crying will sort this (unfortunately waited til DD was 2 before sorting her sleep so I know it works) but DH won't tolerate any crying and says "go in, he's upset" or goes in himself, picks him up, baby still crying then gives to me saying "I think he's hungry" so I can't even get any sleep at night. I know this is not helping me/relationship. The final straw came when I was looking at his mobile phone texts (I know I was wrong, but I was wondering what he was getting up to in garage all the time) and found one with no name assigned to it saying "do you want to meet up. Oh sorry forgot we can't meet til next millenium" with DH replying "I'll die if I don't see you soon. Do you want to meet up without x (work colleague) this time, or is that a bit forward" to which she replies "of course I want to meet you alone". So I've been putting up with his crap ffs and my gut feeling that he doesn't give a st about me is probably true. I sat on the info for 36 hours then cracked. First he said I was absolutely mad then later came back in from outside saying it was a colleague's secretary who had been through a lot of counselling for eating disorders and was very helpful to talk to someone who'd been thru what he had. Also I had "no f*ng idea" what it was like for him. I said he didn't talk to me so how could I know. He then stormed out saying he also "couldnt get it up" so couldn't be having an affair ( we haven't had sex for maybe a year, but although I had noticed I assumed the bfeeding and tiredness was the reason and was, tbh, relieved the issue hadn't come up, as it were...). So next pm we had another talk and agreed to limit drinking (1 large bottle beer a night) and he has kept to it for 48 hours, but the text business is getting to me. I think I've had enough. I would like to go to relate (I am not perfect) but he won't and I'm beginning to think he has a personality disorder with lots of passive- aggressive tendencies. I can't talk to anyone as friends mostly mutual and family have their own stresses. I don't know what to do.