Rudy, I read your post and all the responses last night and it has stayed with me.
Your post could have been me writing around 2 years ago. In fact, I did post regularly on the same subject for a while, although I've name changed for this one.
The last think I want to do is scare anyone, however my DH died last year aged 47 from the effects of liver disease - a direct consequence of heavy drinking for 10/15 years. He was never someone you would see drunk, but drank at home constantly and in the end it killed him. Like others, I believe he used alcohol from a fairly early age to help cope with stress but in the end it became the problem itself.
In all the threads I've read on the subject of alcoholism, I don't think I've ever seen one quite like this in terms of people's responses and their depth of understanding and empathy. Snorbs - thank you so much for your post and your words about the fears that alcoholics face. You have pretty much summed up where I think my DH was in his life, not that he would open up to me about it, but it makes me so sad to think of him stuggling in this way.
What has struck me about this thread is that so many of us experience the same patterns of behaviour. My DH would also go straight for a drink when he came in from work, often before even taking his jacket off, and would then always have a drink on the go all evening. On weekends, holidays and days off I would be increasingly aware that any time after noon was considered by him as an acceptable time to get a beer from the fridge and I often felt he would drink strong lager in the day in the way that the rest of us drink cups to tea. AT weekends, he would always suggest going out for lunch although it became increasingly obvious that this was just a way of getting his first couple of pints down him as he ate very little when we were there. His family also have a more 'relaxed' attitude to drink and there is plenty of around when we visit even now.
It used to upset me that I couldn't expect him to drive after early afternoon on a weekend because I'd know he was over the limit.
Rudy, I can't really add anything that hasn't already been said. One of the sad things about alcoholism is that it doesn't just change the alcoholic, it also changes the people around them. In the last few years of my DH's life I became someone who was angry and resentful, powerless to change something that he wouldn't even acknowledge was a problem. I became suspicious, untrusting, constantly angry and stressed and like others was constantly searching the house for bottles. In the end I dreaded coming home and I think my DD was the same. We are coming through some of that now.
By the time by DH died, I was finally taking steps to leave as I finally saw what this disease was doing to me and my DD and I knew there was nothing more I could to help DH if he was not prepared to act himself. There will come a point where you may need to consider the same, or hopefully your DH will have the insight and strength to take charge of the problem in the same way that some others have on here. All I can say is look at the advice and sources of support others have suggested but above all, think of yourself and your children - you cannot control what your DH does but you can control what you do as a result and, difficult though it may be, try to put yourself and your DCs first.