How did your relationship change with children? Help please!

[purplelove]

Hi

I have a 10 month old DS and my DH and me both still feel exhausted and like we're on a really fast roller coaster, despite loving our son dearly. We love each other dearly too but sex has been definitely down on the list since DS - maybe once a month, (not that we were ever that regular - 1 x week on average). DH has started a new job too which is another story but a stress to him as he feels he's made a mistake.

Even though we have evenings together etc and that DS is such a good baby and sleeper we still seem to be reeling from the life change of it all, miss quite a few pre-baby things, and seem constantly really tired with no time to 'talk' properly like we used to.
We continue to be happy, if a little shell-shocked and hope to try for a 2nd soon! - in for a penny and all that! Maybe we just need to get a grip and see yep that's how it is?!
Just wondering what other peoples experiences were after arrival of DC's on their relationship?

Are these feelings normal? Does it settle down a bit? Anyone any tips on upping the sex frequency?! - Tried in house date type stuff etc, but neither of us seem that bothered about sex TBH! - is that the beginning of the end?!

If neither of you are bothered about sex at the moment there is absolutely no need to try to have it. Your baby is only 10 months old, it is perfectly natural and normal to be exhausted at this point and not so bothered about the 'couple' aspect of your relationship. (Also if both of you are feeling the same it's a fairly good indication that your DP is pulling his weight with housework and childcare - a lot of men expect their lives to continue exactly the same once the baby arrives...)
Do make sure you talk to each other and are nice to each other generally, though. This stage will pass etc.

Sounds pretty normal to me!

We have DS1 (nearly 3) and DS2 (8mths) and I think I'm constantly shell-shocked :) We've only just revived our sex life from DS2's birth and often find ourselves struggling to balance work, childcare and personal time. I think you do have to accept that to a certain extent and lower your expectations so there's less pressure on you both.

Any chance of getting a babysitter so you can go out together and have some couple time?

Sounds normal to me too.

Definitely make the effort to get a family member to babysit (I know it's tough if you're still breastfeeding) and have a drink/meal out together where you can talk and have a laugh.

It would also pay to have a quick five-minute conversation every now and again where you acknowledge that things are a bit different since having the baby and that you will get back on track, eventually (and want to). Presumably trying for a second DC will help!

I also quite liked Kirstie Allsopp's advice this week (I think?) which is to remember that, all being well, your DCs will leave home well before your DP/DH does. Therefore you should take care to nurture your relationship with your DP/DH too. (Easier said than done!)