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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

feeling really low

18 replies

pinkhair · 08/08/2011 23:17

Sorry for posting something that probably shouldn't be on this section, but i didnt know where else to put it.......

I am feeling really low, sad, shit, crap, about my life, some of you will know i have had a previous post on here a few months ago to do with abuse from my exh....

My life doesn't seem to be moving on, if it is, i can't see it moving, i feel as though so much has happened, but nothing that means anything to me (if you can understand what i mean)

I have had councelling which was part of womens aid, called freedom programme, and also private councelling, which im still going to, but i feel as though i am in a hole, my health is suffering, im hoping my DS isn't suffering, my get up and go and walked away.....forever!!!!

Please help me!!!!!

OP posts:

beatenbyayellowteacup · 08/08/2011 23:25

Oh poor you! I haven't read your earlier post but I do know that healing from previous abuse takes time (I too am seeing a counsellor to deal with upbringing stuff, I've been there for 18 months so far and I don't think I had a really serious or obviously abusive childhood). You say that you feel so much has happened - it probably has and sooner or later it will kick in and you'll feel a huge leap forward.

I would eat my hat if your get up and go has walked away forever. Please be patient with yourself - healing takes time!

HerHissyness · 08/08/2011 23:36

You have been living on adrenalin for so long, and now that has gone, you are bound to feel flat, disorientated, and lost.

You have done everything you can, what you need to do now is heal. That takes time, that requires rest, kindness to yourself and care.

It's OK, you ARE OK and you will be better than OK! Your DS will be fine, better than he would have been if you had have stayed in that relationship. you did the right thing.

Come post, rant, sob on here when ever you need to, if it helps! If you think you'd like a whole bunch of us all in one place, pop along to the Emotional Abuse Support thread.

piranhamorgana · 08/08/2011 23:39

Hi pinkhair,I remember your threads.Sorry to hear you are feeling so down.
You have been through a lot in a short space of time,all very recently.You were in an abusive relationship for a long time and did very well to put DS and yourself first.

yellowteacup is right,healing does take time.I am so glad you still have a private counsellor ,please keep going.Could it be that you are working on some particularly difficult memories at the moment and are feeling churned up?

Are you and DS at home for the summer holidays? It can be a hard time when the usual routine is gone for a long six weeks - especially when the weather isn't so good.Are you getting time to yourself?

Try to tell yourself that you will not always feel as low as you do right now.It will pass.Try to be kind to yourself and don't put pressure on yourself to get up and go too much.

Nave you got friends you can lean on a bit? Keep posting,there are always people here.

pickgo · 08/08/2011 23:41

In what ways did you want your life to mov on pinkhair?

I remember your previous posts and know you went through an awful lot. I'd second other posters that it does take a lot of time to get over. I'm 18 months out of a an ea relationship. I was totally joyous last year at just being out of it, then earlier this year I fell very flat. Now I have mostly good days but some bad ones, a few bad weeks. But I think I'm still recovering a sense of myself and, importantly, my confidence to start new things. Perhaps you just need to give yourself more time?

mumsamilitant · 08/08/2011 23:50

Oh.. life is shit isnt it! it can only get better if you want it to. Go walk through a park and see happy! you have your health, you have damn life. Its all relevant! My dp is in the thick of riots! Im not saying this to make you feel guilty, Im saying this to make you smell the roses and jog on. I do apologise if this is not called for... xxx

Original poster

pinkhair · 08/08/2011 23:52

I have got friends, (PHBF) but feel that they have there own lives to get on with and dont need my crap, they are probably thinking and saying....oh no, not this again....

I have had really high days and lots of them, i've also had low days too, thought i had had them all now though, i hate feeling like this, i have so much to do, and cant focus on any of it, i feel so useless, its just a good job my DS isn't around to see me like this, he worries about me as it is, he's only 7 bless him, he should be leading a life filled with fun and laughing with his mates....
Sorry for all this crap im putting on here, dont even know if it makes sense, just feel as though i need to just talk loads....

OP posts:

Original poster

pinkhair · 08/08/2011 23:57

Im sorry mumsamilitant that you feel that way, but i do understand, i usually always feel that there are worse people out there than me, this is so unlike me feeling like this, i wish i didnt feel like this, but i cant get myself out of it, it just seems that there has been one thing after another in my life, and at the minute, i dont have my health on my side, i wish i did, i really do. I hope i can smell the roses soon too, hope your dp keeps safe too. xx

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pickgo · 09/08/2011 00:08

May be you need to give yourself a holiday pink? Like spend a day doing only good things for yourself - no housework or anything like that - just nice stuff?

Original poster

pinkhair · 09/08/2011 00:12

Holiday pickgo.......just had one...went away for a week with my son, it was lovely, PHBF came too with her two boys, had a bit of a low time, every now and then, bt most of it was fab...

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beatenbyayellowteacup · 09/08/2011 01:09

Keep talking on here! You're not the only one who feels like this from time to time so don't beat yourself up over it. I still feel completely useless sometimes, but I remind myself that I'm not. You're not either!

It sounds like you are doing well, but don't feel like you are. Have realistic expectations of yourself and what you can do, especially on the low days. They'll get fewer and fewer but sometimes they do come back and surprise you with a big bite on the bum.

Healing is a long haul. And it's so much better for your son to be out of a damaging environment, so as Hissy says, you've done the right thing. Be kind to yourself, talk to yourself as if you were your friend or your son - what kindness would you show them? Show them to yourself.

Original poster

pinkhair · 09/08/2011 01:24

Thank you yellowteacup and hissy for such true comments and honesty also to everyone else as you are all fantastic people, its just nice to know someones there. X x x

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Saffysmum · 09/08/2011 07:30

Hi Pinkhair, I remember your threads. Sorry you're going through a low spot. I can only echo what the others have said, there's no magic wand, and although your relationship was bad it's natural to go through highs and lows. You're grieving in a way. Just be kind to yourself, don't expect too much from yourself and accept it. I think that's all any of us can do, we've been through a sort of trauma, so acceptance and healing is what's needed. And it will take as long as it takes.

Take care and keep posting - just talking on here helps doesn't it?

Original poster

pinkhair · 10/08/2011 09:44

I've done something that was really stupid yesterday, something that i dont even know why i done it really, it seemed good at the time, i dont reget it, not totally anyway.....i had sex with a 27 year old at my home, talk about feeling shit about myself, whats done is done, but WHY did i do it, do i really feel that bad and low about myself, thats worrying, what kind of person am i turning into, someone i dont want to be i know that, its not me. :(

I was on such a high afterwards, felt great...wow, then bang rock bottom, felt really shit. :(

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mumsamilitant · 10/08/2011 12:34

OOps! Looking for a bit of comfort etc. probably. Up on minute and down the next. Been there and done that honey. Big hugs to you and please don't beat yourself up about it. Like you said, it was fun at the time. 27 huh! blimey, mine were usually in their 40's!

Anniegetyourgun · 10/08/2011 13:41

At your home wasn't such a good idea unless you already knew him, but sex with a younger man? why the hell not. 27 is not a kid you took advantage of. You enjoyed it, great. You had a downer afterwards, well, maybe these once-offs aren't for you, or at least not in the emotional place you're in at the moment.

Having sex is a thing you do, not who you are. It doesn't turn you into a different person, and if you don't want to do that again, just say "failed experiment" and move on. You won't have "Scarlet Woman" tattooed on your forehead for ever. Actually if PHBF is to be believed (and she does know you), you currently have "Far Too Nice Person" tattooed on your forehead already. There isn't room for "... Who Shags 27 Year Olds" as well, unless you have a very big head.

If he was married and/or your best friend's boyfriend I withdraw these kind remarks

Original poster

pinkhair · 10/08/2011 17:03

Thanks mumsamilitant and Anniegetyourgun.....Yo have made me feel better about myself.

I did know him, thats why i felt safe inviting him into my home, and dont worry, he's not married, or my best friend's boyfriend...lol

Had a better day today, feeling a little more positive today, see my councellor tomorrow, looking forward to that.
Thanks again ladies xxx :)

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susiedaisy · 10/08/2011 17:26

hi pink i rememeber your threads, and you have done so well in coming this far, stay strong, and try to remain positive, i am going through similar things and i know how you feel, my exh now has a new women with a child and i feel like i have been kicked in the guts every time my children mention her and her child, they are havin wonderful 'family' days out apparently, shame he couldnt be bothered to do it when we were all a family, so i know it doesnt take much to knock your morale down does it, but keep going and have faith that your future will be sunny and bright and the end of all of this, keep posting, lean on friends and family when you can xx

sorry about any typos seem to have lost spell check

Original poster

pinkhair · 10/08/2011 17:59

Hi Susie, i know excatly how your feeling cos im going through it aswell, my exh has a new partner with three children, and my ds comes home talking about him and his step brothers and sister, and that really hurts, exh is talking about them getting a place together too, and how they spend weekends together has a family, and like you, its a shame he couldn't of done that when we were a family.

Like you i will try and keep strong, and lean on friends and family too, also i do find it helps when i post on here, so i will keep doing it.
Stay strong hun xxx

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