How did you know if DP was the right one?

[changedmyname]

I have changed my name for this one because some people may know my DH and wouldn't want him privy to this.

DH have been together for donkeys years and for the most part it has been good. We were childhood sweethearts and at one point broke-up quite nastily (he was caught kissing another girl - sounds so silly now) so I gave him the heave-ho and moved to another town. The 2nd day I was there I met another guy (I was 21 at the time) who I just fell for like a ton of bricks. He felt the same way about me but we were young and it didn't work out. I moved back to my home town and got back together with DH. We subsequently got married - about 6 months after we were married I went to visit an old friend and bumped into this guy. It was obvious that there was still a very strong attraction between us - I got very drunk and made the fatal mistake of snogging him - DH does not know. I returned home but carried on emailing this guy and it got quite out of hand - in the end I decided to finish it and we didn't speak for another 3 years (in this 3 years I can honestly say there hasn't been a day I haven't thought about him).

About six months ago I found his email address and dithered about emailing him. Anyway in the end I did - we have since exchanged emails on a number of occasions - sometimes with there being 2 months in between emails.

I know this might sound silly but I have such strong feelings for this man and I know it works both ways (although we don't talk about it) - we joke and sometimes the past is mentioned but never in great depth.

Sometimes I really think he was the "one" for me and that I have made a mistake - am I going crazy or is this normal? The fact that it has now been over 8 years since we met and there hasn't been a day I haven't thought about him really makes me worry.

Sorry this has been so long?

DP and I got together while we were both in different relationships, and the moment I knew it was him was the second we sat down and decided we would end it, for the sake of our partners. We had already spent a night together, and it hurt so much to realise I'd never be able to hold him, hug him, or kiss him again.

We spent two days keeping away from each other (not easy when you live about 10 feet away, work and socialise with the same group of people) but after 48 hours discovered that we had both, seperately split up with our partners - I knew it was fruitless carrying on with my ex as soon as I found my soulmate, even thogh he wasn't free it highlighted the problems in my relationship.

So how do you get on with your DH? In your mind is that a seperate question or mixed up in the original one?

Waterbaby - thanks for the reply.

My DH is a wonderful man and a brilliant father but if I am very honest part of me has always thought I got back together with him all those years ago for the wrong reasons.

The two of them couldn't be any more different. DH is very good looking, a dreamer and very romantic. The ex extremely attractive, incredibly intelligent and witty and very much on my "wavelength"..

I have made my bed now I suppose... just have to sort out these feelings for my ex.

I used to have a boyfriend( 18 years ago ) that I can't forget about. Even now after 10 years of marriage to my husband I still think about that one from 18 years ago. I wish I waited for him but obviously it wasn't ment to be. We met three or four times in the last 10 years and without words he knows that I still love him and he loves me. It is very hard to let go those feelings.
But I still know deep inside thet we may still end up together somehow. Seems weired but this is how I feel.

I think about this all the time. Like you, changedmyname and waterbaby, I often think about an old boyfriend who I know is married and has a number of children now. It has been nearly 15 years since I last saw him. I often think that I would've been much happier with him, and I was the one who ended the relationship, so I always think that I am the one who made the mistake, which kills me. Can't offer any advice, just thought I'd mention that I think it's a common feeling. To be truthful, I think DH also has these same feelings for one of his exes. It's kind of sad when I think about it, so I try not to think about it . DH is a good father, and in general, I'm pretty happy, but I often think, what if. . .

Message withdrawn

Good advice Dadslib.

!!

What's that for Coddy? I do think that was good advice. This man is obviously being put on a pedestal! If changedmyname hasn't seen him for 8 years then she has probably changed him out of all recognition in her mind.

Maybe it would be good to meet up with him again?

Flirting with previous sexual encounters is never a good thing. I have seen a number of people go down this road and end up with heartache. They all said they could handle it and all ended up going further than they planned. Dadslib is right about the 'myth of a man'. Have to say I don't agree that e-mailing someone you have slept with in the past - asking for trouble IMO.

Zora, was going to post my thoughts but am completely confused as to what I think - noticed your other thread - not about you but about this kind of sitiuation. Just lots of luck.

have to say -i agree with dadslib. I too have an ex boyfriend that I think about sometimes and what could have been but you can't live in the past. I think you should decide if you are happy with DH as a separte issue to any feelings you may have for other man. It may just be problems with your current relationship that is making the idea of a different one so appealing.