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[Coffeeisking]

Hi, I'll start by apologizing if this ends up not making any sense, Nothing in my head makes sense at the moment, and I am trying to type this out on my phone, so could be in two parts.

So here goes, I have been with DP for 9 years, we have two DC aged 4 and 7. We are both very insecure people. Over the yearsbwe tested each other to the brink many a times to prove to each other we are here to stay, iykwim? A couple of past issues with me are that once i caught him kissing someone when i was pregnant with 2nd, we worked through it well, next is Dp smashed his leg to peaces and in the aftermath our relationship completly fell apart to the point where i truly fell out of love with him, and the feeling has never fully returned. This was 3 years ago.
I do love him, but the strength of my love isn't as strong as it was.

Anyway, recently I have been feeling like things just dont feel right between us anymore. We barely talk, we dont have fun together. Our social lives are completly seperate...cont

My social life tends to be when the kids are at school, his is evenings and weekends.

We can't watch tv together as it hard to find something we both like, so i tend to let hom watch his rubbish and ill sit on my phone, and if there is something i really want to watch ill ask if i can watch he will grumble, but 'let' me and then be sat on his phone all night.

If he goes out with his friends i'll find out when he's pretty much just about to walk out the door, which infuriates me!

It recently got alot worse when i found out he and a girl from the past were following each other on twitter, i asked about it he made out im being paranoid and i think he lied about a private message between them. (there is a thread about this)

I also have a skin condition where i have spots on my face and arms, im awful and pick at them, i feel so horrid about it as it is, but if he sees me picking, hes like my dad and tells me to stop, and how horrible it looks to him, making me feel even more bloody shite.

...cont

I find it so hard to start talking to him about how i feel, the words just wont come out no matter how hard i try. I dont even know what i want anymore, i feel so confused, please can you lovely people help me make some sense of my life and gain some confidence to talk to him.

sorry it became so long and i hope it makes sense to you. thanks for reading.

It sounds like you both need to sit down and talk about the future, whether it be together or apart. After a while apathy can set in and you just go about your day like any other, but are no longer close, its just two people living under the same roof.

You have to find middle ground, ground that you can walk together rather than apart. If you were my partner picking I'd also tell you to stop as if I was your parent, it's what people do.

Sorry I don't have other advice for you, you need to talk to work out if you want to go forward or split up.

Sometimes the love goes and you can never get it back when that happens the only thing to do is split up as there is nothing left to keep you together.

So you dislike him, you can't even watch TV with him and you've got nothing in common, then.

What was the question again?

There's no magic wand to wave to make you feel able to talk to him - you just have to do it. Maybe you could rebuild something by making the effort to do things together, find new common ground, but it has to start by taking the bull by the horns and saying 'this isn't right, this isn't working, do we want to try to make if work or do we want to split?'