Relationship at breaking point!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Jilly19]

I have joined Mumsnet specifically to get advice about my relationship, life, etc. I have two children, ages 2 and 1. My partner and I have been together for 3 and a bit years. I was very much in love and happy with my partner up until my youngest was around 6 months old. Since then I am feeling more and more resentful towards him. I get really annoyed at him because I feel he is so lazy when it comes to the kids/housework/anything really. He works in excess of 50 hours a week and when he comes home he just wants to sit and do nothing. He drives a lorry and the way he goes on you would think he was the first man to go to work. He was complaining the other week when I asked him to change a dirty nappy and said "you're lucky I change nappies, a lot of men don't". He says I moan at him all the time asking him to do things and yeah I probably do but if he had his way he wouldn't move from the sofa. I appreciate he is out working a lot but I am bringing up the kids and I have a part time job working every afternoon as a secretary as well. His personal hygiene is getting really bad. He does not shower everyday and goes days without brushing his teeth. He is always farting as well and it STINKS. He actually disgusts me. He complains that we never have sex but I just don't fancy him. Were we in the honeymoon period and two kids later it has well and truly worn off?? He has got far too comfortable and I do not like him most of the time. I don't have any friends and think I have a bit of residual post natal depression that's never been sorted out. I find it extremely difficult to talk about my problems and writing them down like this is the only way I can communicate properly. How do I get him to make more of an effort with helping/personal hygiene without "moaning" or insulting him???? Please help.

You sit him down and tell him you are not happy, and that you feel the relationship is at breaking point. Say you feel as if you are holding the relationship together on your own because he makes no effort to be part of a family.

Tell him that whilst you understand he works hard, you look after the children and work too, and that a relationship is a partnership where both work together to get things done.

Say that you aren't attracted to him when he doesn't care himself about his personal hygiene.

The only way to resolve this is to talk, if you cannot do that there really is no way forward.

Try to make time for just you and him so you can have a discussion, tell him how unhappy you are.

I'd agree with Fabby above, but only to a point.

I agree up to and including the bit about his personal hygiene.

Then, though, I'd say that unless things drastically change, you will separate from him.

Talking won't stop him farting in front of you or make him brush his teeth. He sounds absolutely disgusting and as though he has no respect for you at all.

Farting in front of your partner shows that familiarity breeds contempt. Like shitting with the toilet door open.

Sometimes things have just gone too far.

Should have addressed the farting issues, I wouldn't stand for that because it means he has no respect for you.

It does sound as if the honeymoon phase has worn off (just over 2 years) and sadly you could be left with the 'real' him. However 2 children under 2 is also a massive strain on any relationship so that could be a factor. Lack of personal hygiene would be a major issue - no real way to say it nicely but long as you are kind then hopefully he will get the message. Has he always been in the same working environment ? Could he be changing opinions to those around him? i.e working in a more macho culture.

Oh hang on a minute, houseproject - she is supposed to tell him kindly to brush his teeth twice a day and stop farting in front of her?

Why did u have 2 Children so quickly? 2 pregnancies and 2 small children is alot for anyone to deal with in the first 3 years of a relationship. I would never advocate anyone either getting married or having kids during the honeymoon phase. Is he depressed perhaps? Anyway too late for that so what can you do. I think you just have to be blunt. The hygiene issue ain't great and I would put up with that if my oh was like that. Talking is the only way.