I have been with 'D'P for nearly 6 years. Last July, after being told repeatedly I was unable to have children due to a medical condition we found out I was 4 months gone with DS - was such a shock and we weren't ready so have made a lot of changes in the past year - we have moved, I sold my flat and went on maternity leave, for the first 5/6 months of having DS my DP spent one week with us and one week away for work until he could get a transfer.
I have really struggled both before and after the birth. I didn't have a great pregnancy, and got stressed out as we didn't have much time to prepare, was signed off work for three weeks for stress/ anxiety, ended up having SPD and spending the last month in bed, then had a pretty traumatic birth which led to me and DSbeing in hospital for a week after the birth. DS was then diagnosed with a rare condition which will mean he has to have his skull operate on when he is 14 months old.
The SPD pain has continued and I am still recieving physio and pain meds to deal with it (altho much better than it was). The anxiety continued too - and has gotten worse. I was diagnosed with PND in March, and have been trying to manage it through lifestyle changes and peer support etc. Have just been back to the docs this week as this is not working and I am getting stressed out too much and getting overwhelmed so am starting anti-d's and being put forward for councelling. I have also now been diagnosed with IBS - thought to be stress related. Have not got to grips with new motherhood that easily and have really missed work.
There has also been other stuff going on in the background. There has been a big re-structure at work and I have been under threat of redundancy. I still don't know what it will mean for my job and my return, and also my Mom was diagnosed with cancer in September and has been undergoing treatment since then.
All this has culminated in me being unable to control my moods, being very highly strung and generally being a bit of a nightmare to live with over the last 9 months or so. I have my good days and my bad, but I can quite regularly end up taking things out on DP. I apologise for this to him, and try to explain, but he is not much of a talker and generally doesn't want to talk about feelings and emotions. I'm pretty sure he doesn't understand what I am going through.
Anyway the other day he left. He told me he can't do it anymore and that he isn't happy.
I have tried to speak with him anumber of times, but he says he doesn't want to talk about he. He tells me he will only talk to me if its about DS or what we do about breaking up (finances, house etc).
This has all come just days into me trying another route to address my PND - getting the anti-d's and looking for counselling, asking for more support from parents, trying to get on top of some stuff thats worrying me proactively rather than waiting for it to happen. I have asked him if he will try to work with me so we can have a go at making it better, and at least try for the sake of DS. He point blank refuses.
How can a man who supposedly loves you kick you when you are down like this? This is the point where I need him the most and he has just run off saying 'i'm not happy' and 'I can't do this anymore'.
To be honest I am normally a very self-sufficient person, and have never really relied on him a lot. It seems like the first real bad patch, and the first time I am leaning on him a lot, and expecting quite a lot from him, and he bolts.
How can he think that this will make anything better? How can he not see that I am struggling anyway, and that this will only make things worse?
I have told him that I realised I was putting too much pressure on him, hence my asking my family to help me more. I have told him I understand how hurt he must be sometimes with the way I act but that I find it very difficult to control. It's all falling on deaf ears and now he refuses to talk to me. Not sure what to do.