this is bollocks isn't it?

[bananapirate]

There's going to be no positive answers here I know.
Last year DH joined maritalaffair. he went for a "date"
I found out
He apologised, said he didn't know how he could have been so stupid.
Etc, etc.
things haven't been good, and tbh I don't think I have forgiven or trusted him.
I actually asked him to move out recently, but he is resisting, says we should get counselling etc.
So he is still actually a member, he gets these updates. I have logged in and I know he hasn't used it, you can see the history
He has been very open and discussed the fact that he needs to get it deleted properly.
So the other night, I was sat in front of his hotmail inbox, and there was a message with the subject "your password from fuck buddy" dated last week. Unopened
He saw my mouth drop, we had company at the time, and I couldn't actually pursue it, just fell sick and shaky.

So, here's the lie. He reckons it's because he is still a member of maritalaffair and its some kind of automated email.

I am now trawling through fuckbuddy, to see if I can find him

But it's all bollocks isn't it?

Imperial...thx for that, I had heard of these sites which are a scam.

The thing is with my friend, what her partner did has sent her totally paranoid, she constantly checks his phone, internet history.
Even thou he never physically cheated as there was no activity on the sites, the fact still remains, the intention to cheat was there in the first place.

OP, only you know whether there is room to work at this or is there nothing left? but this would be an absolute dealbreaker for me if I were in your shoes.

good luck!!

What would have been the dealbreaker for me was him going on the initial site and having a "date"! You said he apologised when you found out and said "he didn't know how he could have been so stupid." I wonder how things were following your discovery? Did he really seem contrite and full of remorse, or do you think he said what you wanted to hear, and if you hadn't discovered, how far do you think things would have gone?

And of course, he knew what he was doing, he made the decision to go on a date, no one twisted him arm. His "I don't know how I could be so stupid" is crap. Probably meant, "I should have covered my tracks better".

I wouldn't be able to ever trust him again, and I think he has to really go out on a limb now, to win you back. What you have to decide is whether there is anything worth saving.

Good luck.

I'm a member of Cosmo dating, which belongs to Whitelabel.........I am NOT shown on the maritalaffair site. I am shown on a couple of other 'normal' dating websites owned by the same company (ie a horse enthusiasts one, local newspaper one) but on ONLY get emails from Cosmo.

My friend is a member of maritalaffair........i've asked her and you ONLY get emails from maritalaffair.

Even tho they are owned by the same company - seems you only get emails from the site you originally signed up to, even if other sites are affiliated. Not sure if this helps?

But if you have already asked him to leave, it's less unreasonable for him to be looking at a dating site. If your marriage is over then he can date and have sex with whoever he likes.
It does sound as though he is not a monogamous person, though, so if you want monogamy you are unlikely to get it from him. It's fine to decide to end the relationship and tell him to leave. Unfortunately some men who are not into monogamy are into having a Little Wifey so they don't have to do their own housework, so they will lie a lot and grovel every time they are caught out, but not actually stop looking for sex elsewhere.