What do I do????? (a bit long)

[CDMforever]

My husband's best friend left his wife (one of my very close friends) for another woman in January. I'll call them Tom and Teresa to make it easier. The other woman will be called Madge.
Tom initially had the affair about 2 years ago after which Tom and Teresa stayed together to try and make their marriage work.
But to be honest his heart was never in it and it was Teresa who was making all effort etc. Tom was still in love with Madge.
Anyway Tom is now with Madge and DH wants me to meet her.
I know I will have to at some stage as Tom is my friend too, although he has behaved badly.
I just feel like I would be betraying Teresa, although she has said she understands that I have to meet her at some point.
Teresa hasn't met anyone else yet though has started dating.
Both Tom and Teresa are my friends but its Teresa I've been giving all the support to over the past 2 years so I feel shitty even contemplating meeting the "other woman" and know I would be doing it for DH's sake.
Any advice??

Yes it would be very uncomfortable and intense. I'd probably get drunk and say something highly regrettable!

I think Marge would have to have the hide of a rhinoceros to look forward to a cozy little dinner with close friends of the woman she displaced too. Tom sounds like a man who doesn't have much regard for anyone's feelings.

I've been in a similar situation too, and I kind of dragged my feet about meeting "Madge" - then after a few months she was history because Tom wasn't actually that into her. I know people are different, but it can often work out that way, when the excitement of the affair isn't there any more.

This was a while ago, DP and "Tom" are still mates and the dust has settled, and it's not so much of a big deal meeting his new girlfriend who was nothing to do with the affair or break-up (especially as Theresa is now happy too...).

I'd stick to your instincts and steer clear of Madge for now, and see which way the cookie crumbles.

mathanxiety you are absolutely spot on about Tom's disregard for people's feelings.
Spoke to DH this morning and its now going to be a bbq with quite a few people. However, having spoken to Madge about it yesterday, putting out the feelers, I am going to go with my gut instinct which is not to go.
Ladyword, I really hope you are right! I do wonder whether now being together in a more conventional, normal way may take the edge of their otherwise exciting, clandestine relationship.....

DH and Tom are best friends. That would never work. And DH gets a very different version of events to the one I get from Teresa

I think Venusandmars gave some very good advice here.