Had a bit of a crappy weekend with DP :-(

[INeverWantedTheStars]

Been together for around a year and a half, have been talking of moving in together more recently but this weekend every "niggle" I've had about him have been there in one long string of doubts.

We went to a popular "Touristy" town and are looking around for somewhere to have lunch. We'd both said we fancied fish but were finding it difficult to find anywhere. We then found a bistro type place that was offering 2 for £10 meals. I said:
me - "If you want to eat here we could always get a fish on tuesday on our day off? I have that medical on tuesday morning, you could meet me there?"
him - "I quite fancy the burger actually?"
me - yeah ok, so you want to do that tuesday then?"
him - "what? what's happening tuesday?"
me "my medical"
him - "oh right, shall I meet you from there?"

So we get inside and he said:

him - "I'm only ordering if the 2 for £10 deal is on".
me - "ok, I'm getting the burger, what you getting?"
him - "yeah"
me - "??what??"
him - "what?"
me - "what are you having??"
him - "oh, erm - same as you"
me - "which is?"
him - "erm, what you having?" ffs

So that was the quality of our conversations all weekend. So we went to a gig later on. Before the band started he decided he needed to buy tickets for another band there and then (despite the fact that they'd never sell out and we could've got them on the way out) this meant he had to go to the cash machine 2 streets away leaving me sat alone in a dingy live music venue for the best part of 30 minutes looking like a twat. The band started, the place started going wild and there were a group of blokes next to me headbanging, jumping around and going absolutely crazy. I was in fear of being knocked over and looked where DP was standing and next to him were very calm and sober girls". I said to DP "Can we swap places?" and he laughed and said "no! I don't want to be knocked around!" with that, 2 6ft blokes come flying into me knocking me into another group of blokes. DP saw it and quickly diverted his eyes back to the band. Clearly of the opinion rather me than him.

Then half way through the gig I started suffering from really terrible back pain. My lower right rib felt like it was digging into my back (I've suffered with this a few times) and I told DP I was in a lot of pain. His response was "You'll be alright". So I carried on as long as I could and then literally doubled over in pain, when I stood back up he said "just go and sit down then if its that bad". He clearly had NO intentions of coming with me - he was more interested in keeping his place in the crowd. So I would've had to go and sit alone.

The band finished, still no interest in my back or how injured I had been by the moshing guys.

These are not isolated incidents. He has ignored me many times during converstion in the past. One time we were in the city centre at midnight, parked down some quiet (badly lit, dodgy) street and I needed to go to cash machine two steets away. I noticed he wasn't taking off his seatbelt so I said "you not coming?" and he said "no, it's too cold" so he left me to go alone, anything could have happened to me. And the disregard for my health - I told him it hurt during sex, he thought I was making it up and kept trying it on, then the doctor said there was something wrong with my ovaries and sent me for an ultrasound scan. DP still tried it on saying "it will be ok, I'll be gentle".

But this weekend he displayed ALL of this in one day. I'm not being a primadonna am I? This isn't normal bloke behaviour, is it?

I'm with the Drama queen group. I would be uber fucked off if my partner did that whilst I was enjoying a gig. Sorry, the other stuff sounds annoying but do you nag a bit?

It sounds like both of you are after different things which will cause conflict.

In his defence, you said this wasn't an isolated thing. Have you ever spoken to him about it? The poor man's not a mind reader - he might not realise how irritating the conversation thing is for you and, if you've let it go for months might just be one of those things in his mind.

If he's not joking about the sex though that's worrying

From what you've said, it's not looking good long term. It seriously sounds like it's not working for you and frankly, if a relationship isn't working for one person, regardless of the reason, then it ain't working.

Sure, in some cases a relationship can be fixed, but only if both people genuinely want to make that happen. I'm not getting the sense that's the case here. Your posts suggest that you don't feel he has enough regard for your welfare and that you're already coming to the stage of thinking it's probably not worth pursuing. If you move in together, it's unlikely things will improve between you. They'll stay the same or get worse. Unless you want that, either have a frank talk with him or (probably more realistic in the situ) draw it to a close.

Was the back pain because you'd been knocked into or was it just something that you get sometimes? It could have looked to him like you were making a point about him not swapping places.

He does sound like a bit of a twat though. Especially this bit: "I told him it hurt during sex, he thought I was making it up and kept trying it on".

He doesn't sound very caring or respectful towards you. I have to admit I've been guilty of not listening to DP properly when preoccupied with something else (and he has done the same to me!) it's not ideal but probably most of us do it occasionally.

But the other things don't sound nice, not being concerned about your safety or being indifferent to you being in pain. That doesn't sound like someone I'd want to share my life with, someone I'd trust to be there for me and love and cherish me no matter what life brings. Either he's severely lacking in any human empathy, or as they say 'he's just not that into you'.

Not saying you should break up with him, but I think you're doing the right thing to have a good think before moving in with him, if things aren't feeling quite right to you.