DM (late 50s) is a widow and lives about an hour away. She has a busy social life but about 18 months ago mentioned moving closer to us, suggesting we buy a house together and co-habit, DH and I were open to the idea at the time as we all get on well.
DM raised this idea again recently and I?ve looked into it in more detail which has just raised some fairly major concerns for me.
To get a big enough house we would either have to move out to the sticks (not keen) or increase our mortgage considerable (I'm the sole bread winner and don't want to stress of a huge mortgage).
I am also concerned about the house being seen as an asset when paying for any future care she may need, what would the inheritance tax implications be and would we be left with a big house that we couldn't afford to run after my mum has passed (horrible to think about but no-one lives forever).
DMs response was that we could sell the house in the future and downsize. I moved house loads as a kid and DH lived in the same house from birth to 28 so neither of us keen on unnecessary moves! She also feels that taking a risk on a mortgage is worth it as there are fairly regular promotion opportunities in my work if I need more money.
Bottom line is I don't want to. However I feel responsible to my mum, she was widowed fairly young and is now living alone for the rest of her life. I feel I should put her needs above my own concerns and just suck it up - I do tend to worry about money and financial commitments as we didn't have much growing up and DM and DF had some pretty big arguments about it!
Argh, any wise words, I guess this is what they mean by the 'sandwich generation'
Sorry it's long!!!