Rebuilding trust with DH - first night out.

[LauLauLemon]

I am slowly rebuilding my trust in DH after a lot of alcohol fueled rows and broken promises. Tonight is his first night out since we decided to really work on our relationship and it's just him and his best mate down the local pub having a few pints and having a chat.

I think.

I can't keep my mind from wondering who he's meeting or if there's good looking women there. I know in my heart of hearts he wouldn't be doing anything as he wants to work at this as much as I do and was extremely hurt when he realised the pain and devastation of trust he'd caused but there's always that feeling.

Has anyone been in a similar position? How do I stop my mind working? I'm trying to keep myself busy and thinking about other things but somehow it keeps going round and round. He knows he isn't trusted and it's a process but we both know staying in around each other 24/7 isn't healthy or going to help. I know I don't own him and can't keep him attached to me.

Advice please? Am a little whinging desperado.

I am in the process of putting all legal documents together such as birth certificates, tenancy agreements, passports etc and moving them to a safe place. I have evidence against him in a file from the abuse with notes from my doctor, photographic evidence of bruising from grabbing, a diary and some voice recordings which are out of the house that he doesn't know I have. My 'insurance policy' if you will because if he ever touches me again I'll be going to the police with the evidence. I have spoken to Womens Aid who gave some great advice on preparing for the future.

I am heartbroken and a little lost but I don't have the time to wallow in my own self pity. I have DD's to protect from my tears and they don't deserve to be caught up in the eye of the storm. I'm preparing for infidelity should it happen (he knows if he comes back he'll undergo STI tests as I'll obviously still have trust issues and if he wants, I'll reciprocate) and I have all the tenancy, bills etc up to date so I know if he were to leave I could manage financially (and be better off) but emotionally? I don't think I would be this strong without support from people and help with my DD's.

I have Womens Aid, CAB, the Job Center, Tax Credits, landlord, Council Tax, Relate, his parents, the GP and the HV written down. Am I missing any numbers?

Thank God for Mumsnet. I would be a mess without all of your solid and frankly lovely advice.

You are being very strong and organised Laulau and it sounds as though you have been thinking along these lines for a while.

I didn't realise he had been physically abusive in the past. Usually I would say walk away immediately, but I know it's never that easy. A few of my friends have been with men like that, and although they all left in the end, it took time to realise it wasn't because of them their blokes lost their temper, it was well within the man's control.

I imagine better qualified people on here will be able to recommend some good books and people to contact. You've covered all of the ones I can think of right now, but if I do think of any more I'll let you know :)

You are a very strong woman and I think that in itself shows that he has pushed you to your limit. You have a strong urge to protect your kids which is wonderful and I think you know you will get through this, no matter what. We're all here for you of course but YOU are doing all of the hard work and emotional struggles. Well done and I look forward to hearing updates :)