I have been with OH for over 6 years. We have a 3 year old and 20 month old.
When pregnant with our first OH told me that he had a gambling problem and was in seriously in debt. I took on some of the debt and we limped through. 2 years ago we embarked on a joint IVA (reduced form of bankruptcy). Throughout this he has continued to gamble although to a lesser extent - couple of hundred per month rather than a couple of thousand. This came to a head earlier this year and he told me that this was part of him and that I had to accept it. He lets me control the finances and he has limited access to our joint account although when he does he inevitably gambles.
I returned to work fulltime earlier this year. I would rather work part time and be at home with the kids but we can't afford it. I'm in a high-pressured, performance driven job and this adds to the stress. I'm looking for alternatives but there's not much out there at the minute.
We don't have a particularly affectionate relationship. I get attention about once a fortnight (!!) and it's always after the lights go out. I am stressed and suspect I'm depressed and I have put alot of weight on in the last 3 months. My self-esteem is really low and I'm on the verge of going off sick with stress/anxiety. I haven't had a day off sick since 2009.
I keep reading that things get better as the children get older. We're still in early parenthood and pretty tired most of the time which doesn't help. I'm wondering whether it'll matter if 'things' get better if the gambling/debt remains a problem. I can't see that our circumstances will ever change and I don't want to spend my life babysitting his spending and worrying whether we'll manage the mortgage the next month.
Has anyone advice or experience they can share?
If we did split I wouldn't know where to start. We jointly own the house but it was his for 10 years prior to my arrival. I don't think he'd allow us to split particularly easily.
Help!