I lost a friendship almost a year ago and still feel heartbroken over it. I know I need to forget about it and move on, but I can't. I put on a brave face and act all normal but inside the pain is as raw as always. When the mask slips, I cry again. I can't bear it.
I'm autistic and don't make friends normally. I try, but it just doesn't seem to work. There are people who I think of as my friends but I don't think they see me the same way. In my whole life I have never had someone else initiate contact with me. Literally never had so much as even an email that wasn't in response to something I'd sent. Never been to someone else's party, never been invited to meet up for coffee. Nothing.
Apart from this one person. We live a couple of hours apart so would meet up for coffee half way and chat once every month or so, or very occasionally at each other's homes, and chat on Facebook in between.
Then I put a status update on Facebook which she took offence at. She really went off on one at me. I didn't have a clue what I'd done wrong, I still don't, but was really upset that my friend was upset. So I apologised and apologised some more but she wouldn't have it. Just seemed to get angrier and angrier with me. Eventually she deleted me as her friend and hasn't spoken to me since.
It probably sounds very drama queenish but I feel completely traumatised by this. My husband tells me that I did nothing wrong and she clearly has issues and is off her trolly. But I'm the one who now has even less contact with the outside world because I'm so frightened that I might say something completely innocently that makes people angry at me.
How can I put this behind me when I still don't understand and I'm still crying over it? :(