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Original poster

Do you expect more of your OH during the holidays?

19 replies

mymumdom · 25/07/2011 21:28

During term time I usually try to get the kids bathed and ready for bed before DH walks in from work, usually around 7:30-8pm. He gets to read them a story, give them a kiss and cuddle and get them to bed.
During the holidays I let them stay up so he can do bathtime.
There are a number of reasons for this
1/ making sure 4 kids get through the day without damaging each other is hard work. By the time DH gets home, I just want a break!
2/ I have really bad hand eczema and bathing the kids makes it worse.
3/ They are getting older and want to stay up later, especially the 8 and 9 year old.
DH is very hands on with the kids, but I can tell he gets a bit fed up of me 'leaving' them for him. We are going to have to have a discussion about it.

Am I alone in asking him to do more when the kids aren't at school?

OP posts:

readywithwellies · 25/07/2011 21:34

What are you doing while he does all the 'work'. If you are sat on your arse Yabu. If you are doing other things that need doing Yanbu

monkey9237 · 25/07/2011 21:40

YANBU! after looking after four children all day, you should jolly well enjoy sitting on your arse for 20mins or so! He should do more during the holidays because YOU also do more during the holidays.

thisisyesterday · 25/07/2011 21:47

hmmm

no, i don't. because I am a sahm, so it's what I do every day anyway except with ds1 here too instead of at school.

that said, I always expect him to help with the kids when he gets in, even during term time, because my job lookinf after them is just as tough as his... so when he gets in it should be split and i should get 5 or 10 minutes to take a break!

so i am 50/50 on your situation. I don't really get the eczema thing tbh.... why is this not a problem during term time? if bathing them makes it worse then why do you not ask him to help you all the time?

I don't think you should be basically dumping them on him when he gets in, but he should certainly pull his weight

thisisyesterday · 25/07/2011 21:47

do you work during term time?

Teachermumof3 · 25/07/2011 21:51

How old are the children?

To be honest, my DH gets in at a similar time, but I don't change the routine during the holidays really. If you need a break, I'd be putting them to bed at the normal time, not leaving it longer! I'd be fed up if I'd worked outside the home all day and then had overtired kids thrown at me the minute I got in.

Can't you try bathing them only every night or sending them for a shower as they can do that without your hands getting really wet. What about letting the older two read/play upstairs quietly or watch a film together rather than go to sleep really early if they want to stay up a bit?

Teachermumof3 · 25/07/2011 21:52

If the ezcema on your hands is that bad, I'd wear gloves if water irritates them.

Original poster

mymumdom · 25/07/2011 21:58

I work for myself so fit it around the kids. I can't work during the day during the holidays so tend to scale it down as much as possible and go see clients at night/during weekends when necessary.
The eczema is a problem during term time too obviously, and it does get better if I don't bath them but they all need to get to bed earlier when they have school the next morning. I do enjoy having a few weeks of improvement.
Anyone with 4 kids will know there is no sitting on of arses to be had. There are kids to be fed, amused, supervised, dropped off and picked up, dogs to be walked as well as all the usually house and garden management and secretarial services that are required when trying to keep a family organised.
DH does pull his weight pretty well, but seems to struggle with the concept that the holidays are a lot of work for me.

OP posts:

blackeyedsusan · 25/07/2011 22:27

yanbu. can the older 2 bathe themselves now? can you use aqueous cream on the smaller ones so the soap doesn't irritate?

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 25/07/2011 22:32

YANBU. You need to sit down and re-divide tasks in a different way for holiday times. Obviously there are some tasks which go away (sorting bags, packed lunches, school related admin, ironing uniform) but on the other hand you have no time without the kids to do anything which is really hard work.

Original poster

mymumdom · 26/07/2011 08:19

Thank you. Have now talked to DH, detailed what I do all day during the holidays and explained why the kids will probably be waiting up for him when he gets home. I may not have to pack lunches or sort out school uniforms but I do still have to make sure they have clean, appropriate clothes to wear and feed them. He gave me a list of things I need to do for our upcoming holiday, which is fair enough it's def harder to make phone calls and get things done with the kids home.

OP posts:

EssentialFattyAcid · 26/07/2011 08:25

On days when I am not working and dp is working during the school holdays i would expect him to do less than usual as I have more time. So I Would both cook and wash up and do other errands that dp would usually do.

ZZZenAgain · 26/07/2011 08:27

how old are the two youngest? The 8 and 9 year olds can bathe themselves I should think or at least you could start working towards that point

elastamum · 26/07/2011 08:42

If I was your H I would be a bit fed up if I came home from work every night to bath the kids.

Do you need to do all this? the older kids should be able to go and bath / shower themselves by now? Mine make a bit of a mess, but I dont bath them. Also, in the holidays I dont insist they have a bath everyday anyway, its the holidays so we slob a bit. why not shove them in their pjs and let them wait up and chill out. I am a LP who works FT btw, so there is only me and maybe my standards have slipped a bit!

chocolatchaud · 26/07/2011 08:48

We had the same conversation last night. I had looked after 4 children all day (swimming + park = tired!), cooked dinner, done a bit of homework with one of them when DH walked through the door. Ate his dinner, sat down on the computer and then got his work out. No interaction with the DCs at all.

I was so fed up especially as they then went wild because they wanted his attention. He was doing a bit of work, but that could have waited for an hour until they went to bed.

I told him how I felt, but we will have to see how today goes. I'm not sure it has sunk in yet.

So in answer to your question, yes I would expect a little more during the holidays. It is harder work for me, so I feel he can pitch in a bit.

TimeWasting · 26/07/2011 08:54

YANBU. If DH is on his normal hours, he gets in at 6, in time for DS bath and bed time, which he does. If he's on unusual hours he won't see him, and I have it all to deal with.

And I'm with you on the eczema on the hands, it's a nightmare when you're in charge of the cleaning/bathing.

ZZZenAgain · 26/07/2011 09:05

I'm not the least bit precious about my cooking or food generally but I am a bit disconcertedby my dd's habit of disecting her food. If it is pie, she separates the crust from the filling and so on. I ask her if she doesn't like it but she says she does. She does the same with fishfingers. A lot of people are weird about food. Try not to look, if it bothers you how they eat or what they put on it.

ZZZenAgain · 26/07/2011 09:07

oh sorry, wrong thread!

Baileysismyfriend · 26/07/2011 09:12

During the holidays you could get the older ones to bath themselves in the morning then just the younger two in the evenings which would give you or DH less to do in the evening.

Original poster

mymumdom · 26/07/2011 10:35

The older two/ three do bath themselves but DS is only three and needs help. And the girls aren't keen on going up for a bath before their baby brother. The older girls probably don't need a bath every day but the younger two are filthy at the end of the day and definitely do.
I don't want to start encouraging showers in the morning just yet as they'd be competing with DH and I! We need another bathroom before we introduce that concept...
Also baths have been part of their bedtime routine for so long, they are all good sleepers now and I'm scared to change a successful routine

OP posts:

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