Anyone else find it stressful after people have babysat for you?

[pamelat]

I wasn't sure where to post this buts it relationships which I worry would be affected if I voiced my (irrational?) stress

I have 2 children, aged 3 and 14 months. I am pretty relaxed about my older child (but wasnt when she was tiny tiny), its my youngest that causes me the anxiety.

I find that when anyone has had him, be it nursery/grandparents or DH I cant help but pick fault afterwards, I almost look for what they havent quite done right?? I think?

I think I feel "threatened" (ridiculous isnt it) and feel the need to re-assert my place, often overly so.

All the grandparents are on hand to babysit occassionally, they do it their own way but I think I am quite high maintenance about babies, and they know this so they do try to follow my times etc.

I am aware that sounds patronising but hes been the worst sleeping child you can imagine and if we dont follow a routine hes up hourly at night!

I do wish I could be more relaxed but sleep has become the be all and end all at the moment.

However, my main worry is the protective/defensive feeling i get afterwards, like I just want to take him away and have him to myself. I definately find that I feel tense.

I worry that the people who have babysat (which I am very grateful for) will see this and feel that I am ungrateful, and I'm worried why I feel like this?

I do remember I felt the same about DD but it got better about her turning 18 months, I think when they can talk I find it easier to have been apart?

Does anyone else feel like this? Am I mad?!

it sounds to me like it is the lack of sleep...the desperate need for sleep...

I have felt and do still feel a little bit like this. Stressful to ask people to babysit in the first place really.

It's not down to sleep for me though as mine both sleep quite well, although DD (2 1/2) can be difficult to settle initially. I would rather get them to bed then go out so they aren't even aware of me leaving them (and being abandoned!-silly I know).

But with regards to having people babysit, I don't even want to ask most of the time, I feel like they are my babies and it is my responsibility and with my DH working so much I can't rely on him being home when I need him. So it is very rare that I do go anywhere anyway, and even less than I sometimes would like because of this.

I know you are not mad. I think all mums feel this way to and extent. I know that I can leave my little ones at my mum and da's without a problem, but leaving him with my MIL or other people is like torture. I worry about them the whole time they are there and when I get them back I am ready to grab and go so that I don't even have to talk to the sitter because they may not do something the way I would do it. My MIL in particular lets my boys stay up late and eat junk food way to much and that throws the boys off the first few nights I have them back at home. It is stressful and I feel an unnecessary stress because they could keep the children on a schedule but choose not too. Plus I feel guilty for having to leave them with anyone in the first place.

No you are not mad - perfectly normal in fact....

You are not mad. But you do sound anxious. Perhaps being so self-aware about these feelings will help you deal with them.

But can I just say one other thing to you and other posters above LOUD and CLEAR:
IT IS GOOD FOR YOU to have a break from your DCS and they will NOT come to any harm. IN FACT they will be better for you having a break and coming back to them refreshed.

And fuzzy - bugger the DH - get a babysitter - you need occasional time out, you are human and need play time too! Go ooon, plan something nice for yourself!

As Suburbophobe says.....

As well as feeling this myself, I have also experienced it as the "sitter". My daughter left me with a care plan when I looked after her little boy the first time. I said nothing and followed the plan - actually, it was no different than I would have done anyway but also - as it had been a while since I had looked after a new born - it helped me!!

Your anxiousness will settle down and you have made great strides in identifying this yourself. Very brave of you OP!

I think that you are, as pickgo said, very self-aware. The rest of us feel the same but are probably mooching around is a pass-agg fashion trying to deal with it

It does piss me off if I get my son back tired and grumpy because someone MIL didn't make him go to bed. The baby is usually pleased to see me enough that I still feel that only I will do :)

Pickgo - It is a good friend of mines wedding on Saturday (I and DD are bridesmaids) and I have gone and asked my MIL if she will come over so the DC's can come to the big day with me, then be dropped back home with her so I might be able to be out past 8pm!! Really looking forward to it, but also wondering a little how it will all go at home.

It's normal - but you also need a break, especially if DC isn't sleeping, and guilt lessens over the years :o

Oh that's good to hear Fuzzy. Have a great time!

Just put your mobile on vibrate in a pocket so you can feel it to give you peace of mind - and then forget 'em for a bit and party!

Ohgawd know how you feel - got my 3 DGC who are under 5 with me for a few days and overnights soon - planning, planning, planning!!