relationships

[newbiemum22]

hi, i'm new to the site and as it's 4 in the morning it's obvious i can't sleep. I want some honest advice about whether it's right to give up on a relationship when i have a 10 week old son. the obvious answer would be no but here me out... my partner has always been bad tempered and since having our son he seems to be out all the time. he's just rolled in an hour ago and is due in at work at 7am. he doesn't think he is in the wrong when he swears in front of our son and has no issue with having a go at me while he is in the room. he may be too young to understand what he is saying but i no he shouldn't have to listen to him shouting. he works few hours and spends what he earns on what he feels like. is it what all new dads go through? or is he just a selfish git!?!? it's worth adding he dotes on our baby but what's worse an unhappy mum or his parents passing him to and fro? any advice..??

she doesn't know details just that he is out a lot. she has never said it but i know she wants better for me, she did mention that he was just like my dad used to be (they split when i was little) i.e does nothing. just keep hoping he is very soon going to wake up and see what he has

WHy would he wake up? He is still living the life of a single man. What's in it for him to wake up?

newbiemum22

You sound like a lovley Mum and I totaly get what you said about looking at your child and wanting to be a better person -that was me when i had my son, 10yrs ago aged 18.
His Dad was out and leading a single life, but coming home (pissed and whatever else) and creating stress for me and my dear baby.

I left him.
I felt guilt as I so wanted to have a happy 2 parent family for my boy, but it wasnt to be.
My son is now 10! (where didthe years go?!) and he is the most lovley, funny little (almost as big as me) boy I could ever wish for.

You can and must get out of this.
For you both.

for the sake of his son, i dunno just me been stupid and naive i guess

absolutely shattered, not slept a wink and he has just got in! found him outside the flat sat on the floor on his phone, after reminding him he needs to set the alarm for an hour for work he fell straight to sleep while mumbling it doesn't happen often love! now i'm gonna have to stay up to make sure he gets to work as i certainly can't afford for him to get sacked

I'm sorry. Try and sleep a bit or tomorrow will be really hard work. I know exactly what you're going through - promise after promise and then lo and behold he puts friends and drinking before the both of you.

It's up to you how many chances you give him. I think you'd be happier on your own (not immediately but in the long term ofcourse). I'm glad you're still posting on here as it means at least you recognise his behaviour is wrong.

Please think about going - why not just for a few days to your mums or a friends? I'm so sure you and your child's life will be better. Keep posting xx

Well he's certainly shown his true colours only one day after promising to change, hasn't he?

just keep hoping he is very soon going to wake up and see what he has

Living on hope like that, you are selling yourself short and giving up a bit of your soul waiting for someone else to do what you would like them to do.

You can only act on yourself. You can't make him see anything he doesn't want to see. He has to do that himself, and he won't, or can't; he's proved that time and time again.

You can only make decisions for yourself, and take action yourself.

He doesn't care that you are hurting.

You care that you are hurting, though (and rightly so!). Why keep hurting yourself by being in this relationship? It's not doing you any good.

Your DP needs to be told that a night out would be okay if he behaved like a normal, responsible Dad the rest of the time.

He could stay in all the time and behave like a teenager and that wouldn't help the situation. Write him a list

I'm sorry but I don't think you've got a hope in hell of him changing. If he can't even keep a promise for 24 hours then there's no chance of any permanent change. I would challenge your belief that he dotes on his child, if he did he'd be more responsible and involved.