What would you do if .....

[carla]

Message deleted

Spam!

tbh not a right lot if it was mine (not that I check his email) esp if it looked like spam on the subject.

why what's up honney? would prob worry if it looked like a conversation had taken place - then i'd ask him.

If it were my DH then I'd think 'spam', without a doubt. But given that your recent history with H I'd be very suspicious.

I'd think 'junk email'.

Depends really. Were you checking his email because you are suspicious Carla?

Junk e mail but I seem to remember a couple of weeks ago an incident concerning your dh and some online service, I'd be a little dubious, you can't be sure though.

can you look in his sent box and see if he's written to them before??
can you open it and then mark it us unread??

Message deleted

IMO, 'porn traffic' is very very very different to arranging liasons with people in RL ! I think you'd find that the majority of home PCs in the UK have porn traffic in their histories.

I think the worst has already happened in your eyes. He has obviously been using the internet for porn and possibly with the intention of meeting someone for sex. He has also lied to you about it.

I'm sorry but I could never trust a man again if he lied to me about something like this. It shows a complete lack of respect. And without respect you cannot have a relationship.

I would leave. Without a doubt.

Message deleted

i'm tempted to say playing with fire doing that - but then again given what he's done/denyed even after you have undeniable proof/evidance - IT guy's arn't normally wrong. then i'd prob do the same as you.

be cautious thou as I think to send the email would be the final nail in the coffin so to speak. (I realise it's his doing but there's no going back from it)

If he is listed on a dating agency site, then he is actively looking to meet someone. Would he have the opportunity to do this without you knowing? Does he go on business trips or have weekends away?

Message deleted

2 what ? Porn cookies ? Cookies 'attach' themselves to your PC when you visit certain sites, particularly porn ones, it's a way for the site server to 'recognise' your pc and send pop ups etc, afaik. Your H may not have 'installed' the cookies willingly.

What I meant by the porn online thing was that looking at pictures/mpegs of anonymous women/people pleasuring themselves/each other is vastly different to an affair or any sort. You say that he has been looking at porn for 12 months+, that doesn't automatically mean that he has been seeking sex in RL for that amount of time.

Message deleted

The US dating site is out of order though, very much so.

lol - carla one thing at a time hon, worry about the ifs and why fors after the issue now is do u want to know?

I don't understand custody etc but I thought they always favoured the mother

u want to vent/whinge u go ahead girl.

a question i'd be asking myself is how much will u put up with b4 u say enoughs enough? have u confrunted on this email?

(not meaning that to sound like i'm having a go there )

Message deleted

He sounds very nice!

Ask your psychiatrist where you stand on the custody front. If SS are not involved now, then why would they be involved if you were to split? Perhaps he is just threatening you? Playing on your low confidence and lack of self worth.

Courts these days don't normally take children away from their mothers without very good reason.

He sounds like a bastard. Just for saying that to your friend alone!

As the law stands, you would NOT have to buy him a house, that is ridiculous! He would have to leave and pay his share of the mortgage still. You cannot make him leave however, but you can start proceedings against him, if he is guity of adultery then you can divorce him pretty quickly.

I'm not saying that you should do all of this, after all I don't know this man. But I think you have suspicions of his fidelity anyway, and if a woman is suspicious then she is usually right. Also he sounds like a right bastard!

Message deleted

tbh hon given waht u've said about him/i've read and interpreted (and please shout me down if i'm wrong) but I feel ur DH is threatening u, and if u like controlling ur actions (basically bullying u) so he can do as he wishes whilst u're in fear of what would happen if you decided to throw him out. ie he'd take your girls etc..

I don't know the legalitys of it all - but it seems a bit far fetched to me that u'd have to buy him a new house - WTF! but seriosuly thou this issue aside, he has power and can indimidate if u will because u're worried about the girls etc - quite rightly to. so my advice speak to your pych, and if u can without him knowing get some legal advice jsut so u knwo where u stand- even if things do calm down again.

it's up to you thou what you want to do.