AnyFucker!!!

[thesunshinesbrightly]

Help, he's breaking me... he said he will go see a counseller! what do i do??

Forgot to add.... hope your ok AF.

"I know you are all right, i need shooting".

Well perhaps not:) but I think you need to ask your own self what you exactly see in this individual. Perhaps you feel a need to rescue and or save this person (neither approach works at all well in relationships), what's in it for you?.

Any form of contact is at the cost of your emotional undoing - you need to stay clear of him completely now and rebuild your own self esteem and worth because these types of controlling men do a bang up job of destroying a person's self worth.

You fancied this lad many years ago at 15; why have you remained emotionally at least at 15 with regards to this damaged person?.

OK, I must be looking in the wrong places. Keep reading it, and this one.

I am fine, you put yourself first at the moment. Which includes prioritising your own emotional safety above the pathetic wheedling of a loser.

Are you sure your ok?. I know, stay strong,right..trouble is i don't know if i am

He wasn't like that years ago..at least i don't think he was maybe he was it just didn't show.

DO NOT CONTACT HIM

Counselling with him if he's abusive and controlling is a very very bad idea.

That blunt enough for you?

Just a couple of quick questions sunshine

Have you changed your phone number?

and

Have you changed your email?

Fairenuff - No.. but i will do when the kids break up.

Fuckme - why is it a bad idea?

Why are you waiting until the kids break up?

it's easier just incase they are ill.

Sunshine, why it is a bad idea to go to counselling with him is because these type of men can easily manipulate the whole shebang to their advantage, even pulling the wool over the therapist's eyes and getting her to collude that you are the problem.

You are being given very good counsel here, I don't live in UK anymore but I'm sure Women's Aid has a list of local counsellors who specialise, please get one for yourself.
If you were with this guy since you were 15, all the more reason to get someone on your side, to unravel all the programming.

And yes, no contact, it will stop the drip drip effect of these men.

I haven't read your original thread by the way, just speaking from general experience

Is this really an excuse? You can change your number and give the new number to the school. People do it all the time.

sunshine, why have you asked twice if I am ok ?

all the concern on this thread is for you do you not believe it ?

you deserve better, we all believe that, why can't you ?

answer : he has made you feel like you don't

maybe it was because you were without your 'ucker' for a while there

echo everything everyone has said so far btw...cut contact. He has a lonnnnggg way to go before he has proved anything at all.

AnyF is my work disguise

you won't see any swearing or references to sex, porn etc when I am in that disguise

Mine told me he would go to counselling...I folded...he went to ONE session of anger management. I got distracted and took my eye off the ball.

Next news(well kind of) I'm having his baby...he fucks off forever and breaks my heart in a way I could never have forseen, in a way that wouldn't have been possible had I followed my gut feeling about him in the years we were on and off.
One of the things he threw at me when he left was that I made him feel that he was in the wrong all the time,telling him to get help and counselling, so he used it against me when he had got what he wanted. (control)

you see, AF, that's why it looked like something was wrong .

No swearing? No porn? No sex?!!!!

Vodka, god what a bastard!!! Hope you are doing ok now, Op should definately take note of your experience.

I'm doing great thank you Migrating (you helped me New Year's time when I was not doing so well).Much better without him even though it took HIM leaving me to finally end the cycle,ouch ouch ouch...which is why I wanted OP to know it can be a hell of a lot more painful if you don't cut your losses as soon as possible.

great news Vodka (and I feel humbled that I was of any help, that's really nice to hear)

You are right, i hope Op does cut her losses.

vodka, glad you are out the other side of it , love x

MC, I am back to my normal persona now

and still no swearing, see ?

except for my name, but that doesn't count

Thesunshinesbrightly,
Your whole foundation has been destroyed. Ok? It is terribly difficult to find a directional compass while you are imersed in that torturous relationship. That is how he wants you to be...directionless and lost without him.

It is essential that you Haz-Mat him out of your life p.e.r.i.o.d. Any contact of any sort will obliterate any chance you have to heal.

You have the right to heal. You have the right to be able to function normally. You have the right to have a life. Yes, you are worth it.

Establishing no contact is resetting your foundation. It will still take some time after that for your brain, feelings, soul and spirit to trust the world enough to believe that it is ok to come out to play again. But they will eventually feel safe only if you keep them safe from the torture that is him.

Contact with him is a bad habit. It is hard to change bad habits, we know. But it is up to you to do it-you can change this because you do have control over this. Replace that bad habit with a good habit. To start, I suggest getting a kiddie art set and give yourself some art therapy whenever you feel you are struggling.

Please try.

Exactly you had lost your ucker now that is not right is it?

I'm ok was just having a moment, i'm fine now.

The school is terrible they don't know which way is up and changing phone numbers tips them over the edge.

So counselling is not a good idea then,i get it.

Well, at least she was just hiding it!

How are you today sunshine?