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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

To expect an answer?

19 replies

Wecanfixit · 19/07/2011 07:49

I dumped my partner of 8 months, by e-mail and did not recieve an answer or an aknowledgement, am I expecting too much ?

OP posts:

Velvetunderground · 19/07/2011 07:58

Dumping someone by email is just nasty. Yes you are expecting too much because you didn't care enough to talk to them facetoface why should they care enough about you to reply?

Even if there is a good reason for the email to the other person, what reply did you want?

Original poster

Wecanfixit · 19/07/2011 08:11

Well we live a few hundered miles form each other, but i see your point , but i raised this before with him if he wanted to go on, he said yes , but thne ignores me and gives lots of excuses why he can not come and see me, so did not know what else to do as i felt i could not go on like this.

OP posts:

Original poster

Wecanfixit · 19/07/2011 08:11

Now i feel terrible if you think this is an awful thing to do

OP posts:

AuntieMonica · 19/07/2011 08:16

it is normally a crap way of doing things, but it sounds as though he's been backing off for a while, with ignoring other email and giving excuses.

you dumped him, and unless you didn't mean it, if you wanted to push the issue and use it to get him back to talking about your relationship (not good again, but it happens), move on anyhow?

TanteRose · 19/07/2011 08:16

was this the bloke who Skyped you and then couldn't be bothered to talk?

if so, he sounded a bit of a nightmare...can you call him and tell him?

Original poster

Wecanfixit · 19/07/2011 08:20

yes i could not go on like this , and it hurt like hell to do it , we even talked about living together ,he was the first man I had met in years who i thought genuinely liked me for myself, now i know i was wrong, so it is time to move on, thanks.

OP posts:

Original poster

Wecanfixit · 19/07/2011 08:23

No Tanterose not me on skype , we had long distance relationship and thought it was going great until i told him my daughter was not moving out this year, as he wanted me to sell up and go and live with him, guess i have been saved from something.

OP posts:

buzzsore · 19/07/2011 08:41

Well, if the majority of the relationship was conducted via the internet etc I don't see anything particularly wrong about ending it the same way. I can't see the point in making a massive effort to see someone or talk to them directly only to dump them. But I don't think you should expect an acknowledgement.

And if the relationship was only going to work for him in your dd's absence, you have been saved from something. Who knows what might happen, even as an adult, your dd might need to move back in or need your help - if there's no room for your children in a partner's life, then he's not accepting the whole package, the whole you.

Original poster

Wecanfixit · 19/07/2011 09:07

Yes your right Buzzsore, I have raised my DD single handed for nearly 20 years and will continue to support her as a student she has 3 jobs and does not take money from me, so could not afford to move out, and i am happy with that. The irony is this guy has 4 sprogs of his own and the youngest still lives with mum, so i thought (stupidily) he would be the first to understand my position and commitment to my family, so guess it is for the best ..........thanks makes me feel abit better.

OP posts:

Apocalypto · 19/07/2011 10:31

He's giving you his undivided inattention.

He has also deleted your number off his phones, email contacts lists, etc. so that he's never reminded of your existence again, and he's setting up dates with others.

If you're not happy with this outcome you shouldn't have dumped him. Leave the guy alone to get on with his life, and get on with yours.

Original poster

Wecanfixit · 19/07/2011 11:04

Eh actually no he has not deleted me, he has answered my email this morning and wants to try and make things work , sorry to disappoint you , i was looking for advice and a bit of tea and sympathy nothing more .

OP posts:

cathkidstonbag · 19/07/2011 11:36

Glad he answered you and wants to make it work :) Good luck however it works out!

Original poster

Wecanfixit · 19/07/2011 12:39

Thanks so much but i can not see it going anywhere , he just does not know how to give much as i liked him.

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SomethingProfound · 19/07/2011 12:54

Isn't this the guy who went on holiday came back and didn't contact you for weeks???

mumsamilitant · 19/07/2011 13:37

Oh dear you seem to be in a bit of pickle the pair of you. On off on off! To answer your initial question. No, I dont think ending something by email is terrible. There is no good way to end something. I personally would rather it done to me this way. Whats the point in travelling to see them and having to dump or get dumped? Id rather be home with a bottle of Cava, tissues and a bit of privacy to lick my wounds.

Suspect the only reason you dumped and expected an answer is because this sort of stuff is the pattern of things with him and you did it for a reaction. Not a good sign.....

To be honest, bottom line is I dont think your really suited are you?

Original poster

Wecanfixit · 19/07/2011 15:39

You hit the nail on the head , and no we are not suited so will not be seeing him again, and yes SomethingProfound this is the very same guy who went on holiday, still todays news is tomorrows history isnt it , thanks anyway you guys.

OP posts:

mumsamilitant · 19/07/2011 15:57

Chin up! sweetheart, be strong and get that wine and those tissues!!!! You knew you were selling yourself short didnt you, by the sounds of it.

Good riddance to bad rubbish I say and you will too in a bit.

Lots of hugs x

SomethingProfound · 19/07/2011 16:15

Wecanfixit, when did you send the email?

Perhaps you should take a bit of time to reflect upon whether this man can be the kind of partner you actually want and deserve.

Original poster

Wecanfixit · 19/07/2011 16:37

OOh thanks MUMS and SomethingP, you are so right and I have decided no this man is not for me , it is just i hate being horrible to someone it is not in my nature , that is why i over analyse the situation i think, so thanks for the tea and sympathy , time for me to wake up and smell the coffee!

And yea got the wine and a good movie and the tissues!

OP posts:

Flip