I am so very sorry about your ponies. I know it?s the right thing to do but knowing that doesn?t make it any easier so stock up on tissues, have a cry over your ponies and try not to let H take advantage of you while you?re feeling sad. Easier said than done, I know.
As for your H wanting you back, here?s some detail of what happened to me. If it helps you in anyway, even if it means you do something different from me then I wish you well, I truly do. And I?m so sorry if this is me hijacking your thread. It?s the last thing I intend but you know I?m not a woman of few words! xx
My week of true hope was as follows:
We were due to go to our dream holiday/retirement home to spend the two weeks across Easter and the Royal Wedding, over there. This was all booked pre-discovery and we did not change bookings post discovery. H was focussed on this holiday as being the two weeks that would ?revive? his feelings for me. (Makes me feel sick, typing this). Well, in the week before going his behaviour to me was just cruel. He didn?t want to hold hands, hug me, touch me etc. I was persona non-grata but inconveniently in the same home. The plan was that he would drive down to the Med on the Wednesday and then I would fly out on the Thursday. Due to his behaviour I did not go, I rang him when I was meant to be at the airport and told him that I was not going to participate in his disgusting game of ?make me love you and want you more than I want OW?. That?s how it seemed to me.
So he was there and I was here and we both got on with things on the basis that we were separating. He came back early and the night he walked back through the door (I?d made up the spare bed for him) my old H walked through the door. His face, his eyes, his smile, his tone of voice, everything about him was the man I married. Apparently packing up all of my personal effects from the dream home made him think and want me again.
I had already booked time off work and so we stayed together and started to bond again. We talked honestly we had some good sex (essential for these men to bond) and we just enjoyed each other?s company. We went for long walks and I truly thought my H was back. Over Sunday lunch at our favourite country pub I asked him how I could know that he wouldn?t ?flick the switch? and suddenly want OW again and he looked me in the eyes, leant across the table, took my hands and smiled and said: ?she doesn?t stand a chance?. I believed him. I truly believed him and I shall never ever forget those words or that moment as long as I live.
We walked back home across fields and the river on a beautiful sunny day and we were wrapped up in each other with me snuggled under his shoulder. It truly could not have been more perfect and was all very Mills & Boon.
Then a couple of days later I had to stay in London overnight on business, I was at a professional dinner and I just had to be away from him, and then he was away on business for the next two nights. I never saw the man that really was my H again. The man I got back was the liar and the cheat. I shall never ever understand this. When I left him on the Wednesday morning he was mine and when I saw him again on Saturday he was no longer mine.
That Saturday night he finished with OW permanently (allegedly) but he did so with a heavy heart such that I could see and feel it and thereafter he resented being with me. All it took to turn him back to face OW was three nights apart from me, time apart which I could not control, unless I dedicated my life to clinging like a limpet, giving up work, friends etc. I?m not sure why I?m spewing this out on your thread but maybe it will help you formulate questions for your H. Maybe it will help you to draw lines in the sand, to beware, to understand how weak and flawed these H?s are.
I totally understand the thrill of your ?win? over the OW as I too felt that and I have to say I relished in it. I positively bathed in her hurt and lathered myself up with it but it came back to bite me. My theory is that he was still confiding in her, deluded that she was his impartial friend giving him advice. Of course her advice only had one aim and that was for my H to be with her because only she ?could help him? in a way that ?I could not? because she ?really knows him?. He fell for it hook, line and sinker.
You need to be absolutely certain that your H is not in contact with OW by any medium possible. When I kept questioning my H about contact with OW his response was as guilty as hell: ?how do you prove a negative?. When I asked him to show me his phone bills he just said: ?no, I?m not playing that game. You have to trust me?. And when I knew he?d seen her when he?d been out to play some sport (he came back reeking of her perfume) he denied it. This is how bleak it got - I checked his wallet and there was a receipt for coffee for two in the cafe that lunchtime. I left the receipt in his wallet and I asked him if he had had a coffee that lunch time and he said no a million times. Then he shouted at me and became verbally aggressive in his denial. So I lunged at and grabbed his wallet and he threatened to hit my arm where I was gripping his wallet with the big shoe horn we kept in the hall. I let go and he left the house and drove off. He came back five minutes later and threw the wallet at me, claiming he?d changed his mind and I could look. Guess what? The receipt had gone. He was prepared to go to that extreme and when I screeched back at him that I?d seen the receipt he said how desperate and pathetic that made me. He didn?t see the slightest bit of irony here about his behaviour versus mine.
Oh I?m sorry, YouMakeMeWanna, I have hijacked your thread but I just want you to know what can happen and I?m not at the stage where I can describe this in two sentences.
I?m not saying that this will happen to you but whatever you do, whatever you decide at least you know the detail of a bad case scenario. I?m sure there are worse stories out there AND more importantly, there are stories of successful new lives forged alone and successful reconcilations but you see why I?m fucked if this arsehole is going to spoil my life when he totally wrecked five months of it and I?m fucked if I'm going to watch some other wanker blindside another trusting woman who's guilty only of loving and trusting her man. ?scuse language. xx