A message for the wise and wonderful women who help so many on the Relationships topic....

[MardyBra]

... I think you're wonderful.

I don't come onto this section much as I don't want to "rubberneck" at other people's misfortunes, but whenever I do look at a thread or two, I'm always astounded at the time, effort and emotional energy that some MNers invest in helping complete strangers. And it's always the same names. So many wise words; so many people helped.

That's it, really. As you were.

I didn't always agree with wwifn either

I thought she was bloody wonderful though

What a lovely thread

I've got a foot in both camps. Wish I'd found here ages ago.

Grace is still here? Fantastic, thanks AF.

Grace, if you are reading this, you probably won't remember me, but I posted as "bagofrefreshers" last year on Stately Homes, and you were just brilliant. Thank you. I really hope you are well, and continuing with your journey and finding answers and some comfort on the way. And sorry if I've just come across as a deranged groupie

That's just beyond reason, what happened to WWIFN. It doesn't make sense. She gave advice and helped people. Why would anyone with any humanity, sanity or empathy want to drive that resource away from distressed people posting on here? I never saw her stopping anyone with contrary opinions posting, how could she? She might have disagreed with others' opinions, but it's up to the recipient of the advice to decide who they are going to listen to, nobody can make them follow advice, so why try to eliminate her? "Took exception to her popularity". Whoever they were have obviously not progressed far from the bullies corner in the playground.

you got it, conkers

Me too

It is a shame that when someone offers advise for free they sometimes get slatted for it.
I have been absent for a while too - partly because it does take up a lot of time and because the sometimes nasty comments.
I would still turn to MN in a crisis though.
And AF I remember some harsh hometruths from you when i first posted - but you were right.

count me in, I thank you!

Sorry about that, HW

Heh, yes I remember the harsh home truths on a thread I started a year and half ago under a username I have now forgotten. I was posting about some random aspect of stbxh's behaviour that was niggling me, while still merrily planning a pregnancy and home purchase with him. Was quite put out by the posters who told me to hold off the pregnancy plans -- after all, it was just one small issue about my relationship I was posting about! And I wanted a baby, dammit! How dare they throw cold water on my dreams?

...Now a year and a half later the scales have fallen from my eyes, I am divorcing, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that stbxh is and always has been an abusive asshole. I got to that realisation myself, mind, but I give credit that the "man-hating harpies" of MN were right way before I was ready to acknowledge it.

And they're still helping me now in the aftermath.

I also whole-heartedly agree. There have been many a times, when I have literally had nowhere to turn and then I get either a 'kick up the whatsit' gem of support or an un-MN hug or anything in-between. Total lifesaver and I will forever be eternally grateful

MN is amazing - and the people that take the time out to offer advice and insight and are even more so. They have all literally saved my sanity from day 1.

Huge, huge thanks from me.

Yes, me too. People in RL have often said to me that I come across as really self-contained, hard to 'read'. That was how I learned to survive a not entirely great childhood, but here, well here I've just been raw.

The responses to that have taught me how I can go on in RL now and in future relationships, listening to my instincts when they tell me certain people are not good for me and those I can trust to be myself with because they accept me for who I am happy, sad, whatever.

A massive load of respect to everyone for that. And I still miss WWIFN too, loads and loads.

For me I think the best support was knowing that I could leave - I was strong enough and there were lots of examples of that.
And Mcqueen once I had 'toughened' up my H was prepared to crawl through those hoops too. Which is actually the biggest boost to my self esteem too.

Men are 'simple' creatures who do seem to follow a script.

Maybe the more you see and read about it you just want to shout it louder and that can come across as harsh and man-hating.

Having had MN as a support I have found I am able to help friends in RL too with similar problems and far from making me keep it all secret I have opened up to those who I feel need support.

AF - no worries I think we need that good kick too - and I actually admired those tough harpies .

I don't actually understand how one can say that they prefer men to women, they're not man-haters, but also that men are simple or predictable creatures. Men aren't a monolith any more than women are, they're a collection of individuals with commonalities and differences informed by the culture in which they live. To dismiss half the human race as 'simple creatures' is breathtakingly insulting to them.

Personally, I hold men to the same standards of kindness, decency and behaviour as I do women, and acknowledge their complexities, intelligence and ability to change because I think neither men nor women are inherently superior and the very concept is nonsense.

I always admire the women brave enough to take the advice and have inappropriate love for both lequeen and anyfucker. I feel I know these women!

I take your point Tortoise. However, historically, across many 'civilised' cultures women have been constructed as 'simple' creatures, hormonally driven, vain and insecure, prone to neuroses and personality disorders (all constructed by culturally driven circumstances and not truths, but presented as such).

Personally I love to populate my life with both men and women, and I expect the same back as I'm prepared to offer. If I don't get it, no matter who they are, I stop offering. Simple.

This thread is a thank you from the OP to the women and men who give freely. Nothing wrong with a bit off piss-taking too.

There is nothing wrong with calling them 'simple creatures' - surely at times they are.
I dont mind being called a hormone driven vain and insecure at times (sometimes I am ).

When woman ask for advice here, sometimes they need to hear that - it helps them get through the dark times.
A bit of man-bashing can be theraputic - and far better than doing in RL.

I still say thankyou to all those that helped me - and better to get a good balance of views too.

Nor me HappyWoman, but I object to be defined only in those terms .

Leave the bastard!!

I take your point Tortoise. However, historically, across many 'civilised' cultures women have been constructed as 'simple' creatures, hormonally driven, vain and insecure, prone to neuroses and personality disorders (all constructed by culturally driven circumstances and not truths, but presented as such).

Precisely. And it's sexist and insulting to call an entire sex 'simple', isn't it?

Lequeen, I think you underestimate men.

Surely some people are straightforward like that, though. I am. XP definitely wasn't - he'd say one thing and mean another but expect me to know what he meant. And if I ever said anything straightforward he'd insist I meant something else

Ah, but your ex was doing it on purpose, Bertie.