dont know where to turn (sorry long post)

[cathie187]

hi all,

i have never posted on here before decided to register today as i dont know who to turn to for advice.

i have been with my dp for 6 years and we have a 8 month old son, after about 3 years dp went off sex,and we havent had it very often, in every other sense he is a perfect dp and a great dad, we had ds via ivf due to unexplained infertility which also put a bit of a strain on us i think anyway when i was pregnant with ds we decided to move back to his home town (300 miles away from my friends and family) we moved here when ds was 5 weeks old, i only moved on the proviso that things would be better in the affection and bedroom department as hes not very affectionate these days either, to which he said they would improve as he would be happier back home.

things didnt seem to improve then when we had been here 5 months dp's father died (hospital error so big investigation) so that put things on a back burner again, i hadnt confronted him on this until today to which the reply i got was " i dont need this now" " this is not the right time" i said there was never a right time with him and he is using this as an excuse as it has been going on for 3 years, i did tell him a few weeks ago if things didnt improve i was going to book us into relate for sex therapy but he said he would never go there, after a bit of discussion i asked him if he had a problem maybe or was it that he didnt fancy me, his rely was well i havent got a proble, so draw your own conclusion, i told him i was going to find someone who did want to sleep with me which i shouldnt have said really, said he was going out, i said dont bother coming home, so he hasnt! i feel like he has used me just so that he would be living with his son and not 300 miles away, any ideas what i can do as i do love him very much

looks like i dont need the advice afterall as he is not coming back tonight at all and i wont be prepaired to fix this tommorow hes trying to make me feel bad for thinking about sex, despite the fact that he makes me feel unatractive and unwanted

Cathie how horrible for you and how cold of him. The very least he could have done was explain to you why he felt the way he did I am sure it is not because you are unattractive the problem is with him not you.

Hope you got some sleep.

is it not worth just giving it one last go for the sake of your son? Relate might be able to get you both communicating without lashing out?

I feel for you though as have been in a similar situation and it eats away at your self esteem.. but maybe just maybe if he realises what is at stake, he might improve... cos I am sure he would not want to be 300 miles away from his son as you would move back home, I am gusessing?

I hope you manage to talk it thru today...

hi all,

He came home at midnight and we did manage to talk a few things through and have decided to give this one last shot but whether things improve or not i dont know, there is alot of resentment between us both as he is very very clean and tidy, i am also but not to the obsessive amount that he is so this causes rows between us, i feel this is also just another excuse, he has looked at porn etc in the past and i think thats what hurts also ( im not against porn just the secrecy that was behind it) im sure time will tell between us, but my gut feeling tells me i will be here in a few months time saying "we have split" although i would really like things to work, he has agreed to relate if i want to but im not sure i want to air things through with a stranger but i might give it a go.

thanks all