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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

major melltdown last night

11 replies

sheepgomeep · 16/07/2011 12:30

I posted under another username earlier in the week which some of you may have read. It was findmesomecourage but I want to go back to sheep because I don't want to hide anymore.

I've finally kicked dp out after years of spiralling agression which escalated into physical abuse lately and as the kids have been in the house there has been referals made to social serviices which has shocked me into action.

I am now in the process of applying for benefits etc in my name although I will still be working but just for 6 hours a week. Great, except last night I went into meltdown last night and nearly did serious harm to myself. The samaritan were greatt though and calmed me down. My feelings are messed up . I'm a crap mum and I just don't know where to start in rebuilding my life I need to find tm to fill these forms in and I feel so overwhelmed and crap and useless.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 16/07/2011 12:40

You are a great mum!!

You need time to process it all. I was lucky, staff at the refuge filled in my forms. But can you do them a bit at a time maybe? Over the weekend? It's a new life for you now. I'm 8 years on.

Seriously, it gets easier. Be kind to yourself.

HerHissyness · 16/07/2011 13:00

oh sheep! you are not a crap mum, not by a long chalk. Please don't allow yourself to think that. You stood up for yourself, for your DC and for your life, you saw what needed doing and found the courage to call for help.

That is a GREAT mum actually!

You have been in a traumatic and violent relationship, it has turned your world upside down, and now it is over. the shock of that alone is enough to unbalance the most hardy of us.

Call the samaritans whenever you need to, that is why they are there, come on here, or the Emotional Abuse Support thread.

Women's Aid can help you with advice and support too, don't forget.

ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow · 16/07/2011 13:03

You are a wonderful mother, not least because you are taking action to protect your children from an abusive household.

That takes guts, and it takes a lot out of you. No wonder you are feeling overwhelmed! That's a completely normal and OK way to feel.

If the forms have become too much of a mental block for you, can you ask social services or Women's Aid to help you with them? Or to give you some other kind of relief while you focus on the forms? Or a friend?

Now is a time when you should feel free to ask for help from anyone and everyone who might be able to provide it. Most people are kind and will be more than happy to give you a hand, if you can tell them what you need from them. When I left my abusive H I enrolled so many people to help me out, even with random small things like walking me to my solicitors' office when I was feeling shaky, and they were all happy and eager to help. Don't feel you have to fight this battle completely alone!

NearlyHeadlessnickelbabe · 16/07/2011 13:10

i agree - you are a great mother - you have done everything in your power to get yourself and your family out of the abuse.

and look, you turned to the samaritans when you had your breakdown last night! that shows immense courage and responsibility!

Of course it's hard, it will seem like an uphill struggle for a while, but you'll get there :)

lazarusb · 16/07/2011 14:34

It took a lot of strength to finally call time on this relationship. It was very brave, you did it primarily for your children, that shows what a fantastic mother you really are. You could have carried on not acknowledging the situation.
Of course it's hard at the moment, it's very early days but you sought help last night. The right kind of help because you know you needed to do that for you and your children.
Support is out there - you may find it hard but it is there, it will help. You can do it. One day you will look on this as a 'blip'. You won't believe it now but it's true - sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can make your way back to the top.

Original poster
sheepgomeep · 16/07/2011 21:43

Thank you all, I've been to womens aid and they were great, got my locks changed and things but I got the impression they weren't there to help me fill in forms which is what I'm struggling with. My tax credits have stopped whislt they process my new claim and I'm worried sick about money. I don't know, can social services help me though.

It doesn't help that my youngest dd who is just 14 months is waking up in the night and crying and is taking hours to go back off. I can feel my temper rising all the time and its horrible for them and not fair on them, they put up with enough from him

OP posts:
CinnabarRed · 17/07/2011 07:35

She's probably teething, bless her. Do you have any family or friends nearby who could give you a break and help you with the forms? Do you mind saying roughly where you live in case there are MNers nearby who could help? Will CAB help fill in forms? Could you fill them in at your local benefits office with the help of one of the benefits officers?

You're a fantastic mother, a strong and powerful woman and an amazing person. We are all here for you.

lazarusb · 17/07/2011 13:32

I think the benefits agency do 'crisis loans' which may be useful while you are waiting for your tax credits to come through. I am willing to help you with forms if I can (I have a very quiet life!).

FabbyChic · 17/07/2011 14:10

Hey there, its going to take time to feel normal, you have done the hard bit, the easy bit is now getting yourself sorted and back on track.

Fill the forms in now and get them off, as you only work six hours they are going to take all but 20 of that wage off your benefits so working makes you worse off as you do so few hours. You might wish to consider giving up work.

neuroticmumof3 · 17/07/2011 15:50

Citizens Advice can help you with form filling. Go to entitledto.co.uk to see what you are entitled to and if you're better or worse off working a few hours a week. Get your GP to refer you for some counselling. If social services are involved with you then they may be able to help out with financial things. Try to be kind to yourself. Things are tough for you now but you have done the right thing and acted as a responsible and protective parent.

Alambil · 17/07/2011 17:40

your nearest surestart centre will have family support workers who can go with you to meetings and support you - they can attend CAB meetings and help you with the forms etc if you need someone else to take the information in and relay it later.

They'll help you with all sorts of other stuff too if you feel you can confide in them - they can get involved alongside SS if they take it that far and support you with numerous things

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