I need strength to continue. I guess I just need confirmation that what I am doing is the best for me and my children.
I have been married for 24 years (would have been 25 on September 20). The man I am married to (the Adulterous Cuntknob) has been cheating on me. I need to tell this sad story so please bear with me.
He has been working away for up to 2.5 years now. We live in Queensland and he works in NSW. He works mostly Mon-Fri and comes home weekends. He has a demanding fairly high profile job. I used to work but was made redundant last August and have yet to find a job. Two children, a DS15 and DD 13. In January of this year I found an email on his iPad that he had sent to a woman; highly inappropriate, calling her Babe and beautiful etc. Please note I was not snooping but we were on a short break with kids and I wanted to read Mumsnet on a bigger screen. My DD had also been using his iPad and what shits me is that she could have easily taken it first. He claimed that it was just a good friend and get this?babe is an Australianism. Well fuck me and call me stupid but my first degree is in English Language and I am very very aware of what constitutes endearments let alone Australianisms.
Now about 6 months before, June 2010, I was getting concerned about our relationship. He was very distant and generally cold. We had not had sex for ages but it is very hard to do so when he is away and I have to deal with the children, work, house, everything. I found out about this woman, a colleague from his workplace, and he denied any physical relationship and agreed to see a marriage counselor. We went to 2 sessions. Meanwhile, I found out that he had sent flowers to this cunt for her birthday and for new year's eve. Then I found letters on my laptop (it used to be his work pc but he gets new equipment all the time) and photos of her clearly showing that they had spent the nights together. The letters were sickening to say the least. The Adulterous Cuntknob used language I have never heard him use before. EVER. I should have thrown the bastard out. I asked him if he had slept with her and apparently it had been going on since March 2010. But he said it stopped just before Christmas 2010. I found receipts that showed me he had also bought her gifts. He did not want to go back to the marriage counselor because he would have to tell the truth; that he did sleep with this woman when he said he had not.
Again I should have thrown him out. He comes here to the house every other week. The weeks he does not, he goes camping and kayaking. One of his ishooos with me is that I stop him from having his ?me time?. I do not. What I do not like is that he works away so much and prefers to spend time with other people rather than his children. I wanted to salvage this marriage. I know I could have been a better wife but he also could have been a better husband. He said that he would try marriage counseling but that he would choose another. He comes home and pretends everything is ok. He moved out of my bedroom at the end of March this year. I asked him to. Two weeks ago, he said he did not want to have counseling, that he did not want to be married but he did not want a divorce. He also said that he had two pressure points that he wanted to deal with. One was that I take over the finances, paying bills etc and I have done so. Before, he always did this and never complained. I had no idea it was a so-called Pressure Point. The other was that he could go off and do his activities. I have no control over what he does. He said that he had stopped sleeping with this woman. That he was only seeing her in a work context and not regularly as she was in another campus.
Today, when I am doing the bills, I find a credit card statement that does not make sense. I had asked him if there was any post to the house that was untoward and he said of course not. I also said that as the bills were in his name, I would have to open the post. This credit card shows very clearly that two weeks ago, on his so called camping trip, he had instead had a nice dinner out in her suburb and also bought from a supermarket and alcohol. He had also bought something online which did not come to the house.
This has broken me. The lies and deceit. My health has been affected by all this. My doctor wants to put me on anti-depressants and I am seeing a psychologist (on the doctor?s recommendation). I spoke to him on the phone (well, screamed I guess really) and told him that I do not want him coming back here. He has to tell the children. I cannot continue this farce anymore. I am left here looking after his children while he goes off fucking this woman and basically doing whatever the fuck he wants. I love my children deeply and have a fantastic relationship with them. I think I have been a single parent really for a long time in all but name.
I was clinging to a shred of hope that we could patch this. I was willing to try. He claimed he was. But I know now that he has been lying for nearly 7 months. And for a year before that.
I am broken. I keep crying. I am struggling. My friends (I have many dear friends who have been so supportive) say that I have to kick him out. I have not yet because of the children. But now I cannot bear having his minging fucking face near me.
I know I am a strong woman. For gawd?s sake, I did a Phd when I had two young kids. I am a good friend and a good person. I do not deserve to be treated with such disrespect. I cannot believe why I did not just throw the cunting bastard out when I first found out. Smart but so stupid I guess.
Well I am posting here because I want to know what you think. I have read the many threads here and have wanted to post before but had no courage. Tomorrow I have a doctor?s appointment and afterwards I am going to the jeweler's to get my wedding ring cut off and will sell it. The ring is thick, and nearly pure gold. I am also very afraid right now.
I have to stop thinking of the long years of a basically happy marriage that is now well in the past. I need to move on and get on with my life. Please help me with your wise and kind words. Please.